A Thousand Times Enough

* Chapter 32 *

XXXII. • °

Yesterday was the fun I needed and I really did enjoy myself. Seeing Damon perform for the first time was remarkable and it meant a lot to him seeing his friends there. Even if Tessa and Nadia had initially told me what we were doing yesterday, I would have still gone.

I couldn't be that selfish to not support a friend, and that is why I'm going to this party today. Crowds before were never my thing but now it's like walking through a mist of heavy air and struggling to breathe. I knew that if I told Nadia I didn't want to go she would understand and she wouldn't force me but I wouldn't feel like I was there for her.

Through everything and everything she has done for me, this is the least I can do, and besides I've done this before and I know if I need to leave Silas will take me home.

I picked up my phone and of course, it was late afternoon, I sat up from the couch and wiggled my toes that sat on the white fluffy rug beneath me.  As I stood up I looked around the house and it was a mess, in the living room area there were pillows thrown on the floor and blankets.

The extra blankets were initially for the boys, we thought they were coming back to Nadia's after Damon's performance but they went to do their own thing after.

Then there were cups scattered everywhere around the table that sat in the middle of the room. I knew I had a part in this but I still didn't understand how we let it get this dirty.

So I decided to clean I picked up the cups and the extra blankets that were on the floor. With my hands full I went to the kitchen and placed the empty cups in the trash.

Left with nothing but the blankets in my hand, I began to fold them neatly and stacked them on top of each other. As I did I walked over to the closet and placed them at the bottom with the extra blankets that were there.

Then a rush of thoughts came rushing in, it immediately reminded me of when I had to clean up my shitty apartment.

Those days when I would come home from school and it would be a mess because my dad was so drunk with alcohol, he would be knocked out and laid across his bed. Even then I couldn't judge him, I know he tried his best.

No matter what I couldn't forget about him, I couldn't not be reminded of certain things that we had gone through together. I worried and wondered where he was, who he was with if Mark or that...man hurt him. No calls, no texts, nothing from him. But that's what I had wanted, at first.

All those thoughts I tried to avoid creeping into my mind, I wanted so badly to forget him but now I regret ignoring him. If something happened to him, I'd blame myself.

Maybe I should call him?

I should go out looking for him.

I have to do something.

"What are you doing?" Tessa says behind me snapping me out of my thoughts.

I turned to look at her with a puzzled expression unexpected by her presence. "Tess, you're up early...and nothing I was just cleaning up it was a mess in there."

"Up early?" She asks walking over to the kitchen. "It's the afternoon and yeah blame the boys for the mess."

"Well technically you guys don't wake up until about almost 5 pm on the weekends and it's four something, and the boys weren't here last night-"

"Still blame them, and we need our beauty sleep right?"

"You're right," I say completely sleep deprived.

"So..." She trailed.

"What?"

"Are you going to the party?"