A Thousand Times Enough

* Chapter 40 *

XL. • °

Silas Pov

On the way back home all I could do was think of her, it was killing me not to be able to express my feelings for her in front of our friends. Not being able to kiss her whenever I wanted, or hold her whenever I pleased, but the thought of it was enough to make me happy. I never thought that I'd feel this way for someone, honestly I never thought it was possible.

Yeah, I've dated here and there, or just had flings that I never went back to or thought about. Which is why I never would have answered Tessa's question at truth or dare, yes, I hated alcohol. 

But I did that with no question than to have said anything about another girl in front of Josie. She makes me want to be a better person, or try to at least. I know I wasn't the best at that, I wasn't exactly an easy person to talk to or confide in. But when she came to my house...that day something changed within me.

Knowing that she felt comfortable or even thought about coming to me in a time of need after the way I had treated her before, I just couldn't let her down. I knew she needed me in that moment without even having to say it, and I wanted to be there for her without her having to ask.

It wasn't easy for me to let my guard down, but for her, it just felt right.

I didn't expect her to come back, and when she didn't give me an answer about how she felt about me I thought she meant it and didn't feel anything. But when I went into my room I felt hope, I never left the door for a second. My hand was just hovering over the door, waiting, hoping that she would knock. But when she didn't, I respected her decision, but I didn't want her to go.

And when I gathered up the courage to open it and see her standing there, words can't describe how I felt at that moment.

So for me, of course, the trip was great. Even though it ended not so well. I helped Damon and Kobe break the girls apart from fighting once Kobe's uncle and Doria had come out. I should have known it would have gone poorly once Tessa started to drink, nothing ever ended well on those days.

We've all known about Tessa's drinking problem, but I guess after years of knowing each other you tend to get used to a person's behavior. So to be honest, Tessa deserved what happened. I can't put into words how pissed I was when she said that about Josie, at first, I mean I didn't know what to think.

Confused? Yeah, I think so...I wondered how she trusted me so deeply to give me something that was precious to her. And yes I said give because in my book that sick fucker never took anything from her. 

She's allowed to still choose when she wants to give something that special to someone. It made me feel sick whenever I thought about it, I can't even imagine what she feels. But I will be there for her no matter what, even if that means asking the hard questions. 

I know she said she didn't want to turn him in fear that her dad may be at risk, but honestly fuck that. I wanted to know if she knew the man's name that did this to her, and I won't rest until I know. 

As far as Tessa and Britney, I didn't know exactly how they had gotten into that fight, and honestly, I don't care because Britney was the one I actually felt sorry for.

From what I could tell, Kobe seemed like he really liked her and that she was more than just for his sexual needs. I never saw him hang around a girl for more than two days let alone bring one on a trip or plan one. And she seems like a good person, I mean for her to stand up to Tessa then she's alright in my book.