𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, max verstappen

09 ; he needs you

Our boys won the first free practice session, as they came first and second. Toto had supported me and asked me what was wrong with Max, but I honestly couldn't give him an answer because I didn't know what was going on myself.

Had Kelly broken up with him?

Had they had a fight?

"You should really see what's going on with him." George put a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch because I hadn't noticed his presence.

"Why me? You saw for yourself what happened. I don't think I'm the one he wants to see."

He ignored my statement, made a call that I knew who was on the other side of the line and I tried to ignore the fact that the Brit was once again ignoring every single thing I said.

Of course I understood that Max was his friend too, but I was his best friend and what I said should take precedence over Max's victory.

I sighed, briefly considering just running away and not coming back, but this time Lewis threw a spanner in the works as he put his arms around me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Where are you?" His hot breath on my ear raised goose bumps all over my body and I shook myself to get rid of them.

"Do you want me to be completely honest?" I dropped my head against Lewis's, crossing my arms in front of my chest as we gazed at the Ferrari garage together, watching Charles talk to Carlos.

But George interrupted our conversation before it could start, running into us while tussling his hair.

"Horner wants to see you," He scratched the back of his head. "He says it's important." I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes as I broke away from the two Brits.

"Then I should probably go."

Inwardly, I knew why he wanted to talk to me. I knew it had to be about Max, because I didn't have a better reason at the moment.

As the RedBull garage was diagonally opposite us, I only had to walk a few steps before I arrived in the main part of the pit.

"Matilda." I didn't focus on that, but on the screaming going on in the pit next to us and flinched when something broke.

"Christian," I sighed, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Max was no longer my problem and he had made it very clear that he didn't want to be.

"Please, listen." He took my hands in his, not giving me a chance to just run away. "This has been going on for weeks. He needs you." His grip became more firm, but also much more fatherly on one side.

My heart tightened painfully when I heard something that sounded like someone had been hit.

"He doesn't want my help anymore, Christian."

"Matilda... Whatever happened between you — please, I beg you, sort it out. I've never seen him so..." He searched desperately for words he would never find. "Destroyed." He ran a hand through his hair, his gaze going in the direction of the box.

"He doesn't eat properly anymore. He's lost so much muscle mass in the last few weeks and I can't watch him destroy himself any longer."

It felt like my ability to breathe had been taken away because it was all so overwhelming, so incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't bear to see Max like this or to be given such secret information when my heart was still secretly crying out for his love.

"Okay." My voice was no more than a breath of itself as the tears choked my throat so violently that the rest was lost in the air, which had become so thick that I had to gasp to breathe.

There was nothing we could do but wait until the ordeal finally came to an end, but my insides tightened so painfully that I felt like I was going to die.

When Jos finally stormed out of the door, I couldn't move for the first few minutes. Christian was standing next to me, expecting me to get everything back together, but how could he ask that so easily?

It felt like nothing could be fixed and my broken heart weighed on me like a heavy stone, dragging me deeper and deeper into the abyss.

Promptly, he pushed me towards the driver's box and absolutely nothing could have prepared me for this sight, because there was nothing you could really prepare someone for.

"Max..." My voice trailed off again, leaving me no chance to form a solid sentence and suddenly I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

I didn't think twice, dropped to my knees next to him and pulled his trembling body into my arms. Almost immediately, he clawed at my upper arms, dropped his head against the crook of my neck and fell apart in my arms.

I hadn't seen him this hurt in weeks, but I knew how much it affected him when he was under constant pressure to perform and nothing he did seemed to be good enough.

"I know. It's okay, Max." I felt like I was dying a thousand deaths as Max clawed at my torso, desperate for the support that had been ripped from him months ago.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving." I buried my hand in his wet, sweaty hair and pulled him closer to my body, suddenly unable to hold back the burning tears myself.

My hold was torn from me as much as his, and we clung to each other so desperately —

As if we were drowning and were the lifeline that would save each other from dying miserably.

"I can't go on without you." He didn't look at me, inhaling my scent like it was a drug he was addicted to.

"I've tried to go on living without you, I really have but I... I can't do it without you anymore. I don't want to have to live without your love and support anymore. It feels like I'm being slowly starved and I'll die if I have to hold out any longer."

He didn't understand that he was only breaking my heart even more, that it was incredibly selfish of him to say something like that.

"Kelly's here for you too. She's outside the box." He shook his head, so hard, so fucking desperate.

"She knows she's not what I want. She knows she could never take your place." I had so many questions, so many unanswered question marks in my head, but now was not the time to talk about our relationship.

"Max, please stop saying things like that. I can't stand it. I —"

He pressed his lips to mine, silencing me as he pulled me closer to his body. Words we couldn't say flowed into the kiss. It weighed heavy with the feelings we hadn't dared to show and tasted like the sweetest sin I would ever commit.

His soft lips moved so perfectly against mine, felt like they were made for my lips and the butterflies that had died long ago were suddenly brought back to life.

I knew it was wrong, knew Kelly was standing outside his door waiting for us to come out, but I couldn't tear myself away from him.

My body no longer obeyed my head and my mind was suddenly so incredibly foggy that it could no longer send clear signals to my limbs.

Max had managed it.

He had broken me for good, ruined me for every man who would come after him.

But he had thrown himself into this dark hole with me.

We were both drowning, but we did it together.