𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, max verstappen

20 ; and i quote

Tomorrow, my father and I would be heading to Austria. I had fought with myself for the past few days, weighting whether I should join him or not. I didn't feel ready to see Max yet, but there was no chance in hell I would miss the Autrian Grand Prix just for that very reason.

We were sat in the living room, eating the food Susie cooked for us while watching TV. No one dared to say a word after I told them how I had decided. That I would join my father in Austria. No one dared to let a single tone slip through their throats.

Lewis left a day after Susie told me that she would never leave me, that she loved me no matter what —

But Mick was sat beside me.

He didn't have a seat, he didn't have to be there. He didn't have to fulfil his duties like Lewis did.

He still left Roscoe with us, though.

He was currently lying im my lap, his head peacefully placed on my left knee.

"So," Susie finally spoke up, gaining the attention of everyone in this all too silent room. "What are you planning to do?"

A sigh left my throat.

"Well," I paused. Thought. What was I going to do? What had I planned to do? Break down in tears when I saw Max? Beat the shit out of him for breaking me once again? "I'm going to ignore him. It's as easy as that." Shrugging my shoulders, I looked at the blonde woman.

Pity laid in her eyes, though she didn't let it reach her tense features.

She let a sigh slip past her throat, too.

"You know that's not going to help you with anything."

I hated that she always had this annoying motherly-instinct that told her she needed to speak sense into my mind. She didn't have to do that, I knew. But she still did it whenever I was going to do so very stupid.

"I know." I answered a bit too upset. Her brows furrowed in confusion, for she couldn't know about the raging storm inside me. She couldn't know that my feelings were playing dump tricks on me, that I had thought about nothing but Max ever since he broke my heart again.

She sighed again.

"So, you're going to talk to him like a mature, adult woman?" The question mark underlining her question was not only heard, but seen in her features, too.

"Fuck no. Did he talk to me like a mature, adult man? I don't think so." I snapped a bit too harsh, my mother raising her hands in fake surrender. "Sorry." I mumbled inaudibly, my head now hanging deep between my shoulders.

"I'm just saying that you should approach this as Matilda. Not as some crazy fan that went feral for him because she couldn't have him." Susie softly let her thumb run circles over my knee, a gentle smile lingering on her perfect lips.

"I did not go feral because I couldn't have him." Glaring at my mother, I released another unsteady breath. I did not went feral because I couldn't have him.

I fled.

Like I always did.

"You didn't, sweetheart." She offered me a smile that I couldn't return for the love of god. I prayed that he didn't take that personally, that he wouldn't hate me now —

But that wasn't my biggest fear right now.

"You fled like a shy deer." She chuckled, still running small circles over my knee. Mick snorted beside me, earning a glare from me, too.

"What? You did!" He exclaimed, jerking his hands in the air. Mister I can't find the right girl to stay didn't have the right to say another word, though I didn't say that out loud.

"Alright, what did you expect me to do, then? What would you have done if you just learned that your girlfriend had a baby and she told you to, and I quote 'Stay the fuck away from my family?" His features fell. I didn't tell him. I didn't tell anyone.

"He doesn't have a kid?" My father questioned, now meddling into our conversation, too. He had listened for too long and he didn't say a single word for too long now.

"Yeah, I figured that out by now, too." Raising my head again, I let it fall against the wall behind the sofa we were sat on. Everyone's gaze was on me and I hated that I was the center of attention.

"Before you slept with him or after?" Mick gave me a crooked grin. Bad timing, I thought. This was not the right moment to drop the bomb like that, Mick.

I gave him a slap on his shoulder and gained a full hurt act. He clutched his hand to the place I just hit him, groaning in pain as if it really hurt him when I knew it didn't.

"You did what exactly?" My mother started yelling in surprise, jumping up from the sofa and running her hands through her blonde hair, stressed. "Oh, this is bad. This is so, so messed up."

"You slept with him when you knew he had a girlfriend?" My father yelled out now, too. Joining my mother, they both paced back and forth through the big room and it drove me insane.

I pushed my hands in my face to show my discomfort, sliding down on the sofa just a little.

"It wasn't my fault! He told me and I quote 'Do you think I care about anyone but you?" I yelled out now, too. I felt the urge to explain myself, to explain the situation I found myself in.

"You got a point there." Susie muttered under her breath, earning a glare of disbelief from both, Mick and my dad.

"What?" She threw her hands up, clearly upset. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Neither of them could comprehend the feelings I went through when he showed up in my hotel room. "She still loves him! I would have folded, too!"

Toto shook his head in disbelief.

"So, if your ex-husband came back to you and said these words, would you fuck the shit out of him?" He yelled at her now, jerking his hands up in clear anger.

"What? No way in hell!" She yelled back, jerking her hands up now, too.

I didn't understand how this could happen. I didn't understand when things went so terribly wrong.

"That's enough!" I meddled into their business, having enough of their shit. This was supposed to be a fight about me, not Susie's ex-husband. "What the fuck is wrong with you both? I gave in to Max because I didn't know what to do, because I didn't know what the hell to do! How was I supposed to act? Tell him to fuck off? Why would I do that when he told me he still loved me?"

I was desperate, so, so desperate.