𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, max verstappen

25 ; yours forever, tilly

The house was unbearably silent without Matilda. Without Susie's desperate sobs and cries it would be completely silent. Toto held her, incapable of crying or sobbing. He faulted himself, he couldn't believe that his little princess was gone.

Ever since he broke the news to the family, Mick and Lewis had barricaded themselves in her room, they hadn't said anything unless spoken to.

Everyone was devastated. They couldn't believe that this was reality, that Matilda was gone. They didn't want to believe it, it was unreal. A horrid joke, the one she had always talked about doing.

Matilda was honest to Lewis, she had told him that one day, she wanted to fake her death and disappear from publicity -

But the doctors had confirmed it.

She was dead.

And with her death, Toto felt a piece of soul rip day for day. He felt incapable of going back to work, he felt incapable of doing anything.

Ever since he had come home a few days ago, all of them waiting for his arrival, they hadn't moved. Susie was still cowered on the place on the couch that once had belonged to her daughter and Toto was still kneeling in front of her, his knees sore.

But he didn't feel that pain, he only felt the pain that Matilda's death had left.

His daughter, so pure and sarcastic -

He couldn't believe that God made a stranger decide that it was her time to leave this world, that he thought he had the right to decide over her life.

He wanted to scream at that man who dared to decide for her, who had the audacity to decide over her life.

He shouldn't have done what he had.

Toto was so very angry, he was wrecked to the bone. He felt like his soul, his heart was torn apart.

This had to be a nightmare. Those he woke up screaming, crying, sobbing to. Those that haunted him for months, those that kept him awake at night.

It was so unreal that his brain couldn't concede that Matilda would never wake him up at night just because she wanted a snack, that he would never hear her adorable laugh again. That he would never see her shiny eyes and hear her screaming lyrics at the top of her lungs.

Susie felt similar, though she still waited for Matilda to walk through that door with her dogs, that were now sat in front of the door, howling for their mother to come home.

They thought she had left them, abandoned them.

Toto and Susie couldn't bring themselves to look up when the stairs squeaked like they always did whenever their daughter walked down to the living room -

Until they heard someone clear their throat.

Their heads shot up and stood there was Mick, holding a letter that was already wetted, full with tears he had shed. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale.

Matilda was like a sister to him and loosing her absolutely tore him apart.

"She left this," He held the letter up, his voice hoarse from the crying and screaming. At night, his screams had echoed through the walls of this very house until one day, they stopped. Mick had given up, let the anger and sadness take the best of him, consume every cell of his body. "She wanted you to know this." He continued, his voice trembling. He was on the verge of breaking down again.

Susie started sobbing before Mick was able to read the letter.

When no one said anything, Mick started to read it out loud.

"If you see this it probably means I'm dead," A sob escaped the young man's throat. "But don't let this darkness consume you. Live your life, be happy. You deserve it," Another sob escaped him that tore Toto's heart apart. He had lost his father and now, his sister too. "I promise to look out for you, for everyone. And I want you to know that I'm not scared, because I know I'll meet Michael again. I know he'll take care of me. And all the people that God took from us too soon."

At the mention of his father, Mick absolutely lost it. He sobbed so hard that Toto was afraid he would suffocate, that Mick would want to die. He was fragile, he was sensitive.

He was a good person. A person that didn't deserve to suffer like this.

Neither of them did.

"And I don't want you to contact Mom. She never cared. She doesn't deserve to mourn now, to get all the attention." He continued, his voice breaking. The blonde had to clear his throat, the lump in his throat inevitable. "Take care of Nala and Chief for me, will ya? I don't want them to think that I abandoned them. They don't understand."

Every word of this very letter tore Toto's soul apart more, piece for piece.

His gaze switched to the dogs that were now laid in front of the door, whimpering.

"I don't want to be buried. You know how much I hate those insects. Imagine them crawling inside my rotting body. Disgusting, isn't it? I want to be cremated and please create a beautiful diamond of my ashes so I can haunt your asses."

A laugh escaped them, mixed with sobs and desperate tears they had shed countless times the past few days.

Then, the room filled with cries, again.

"And even if my death wasn't painless, I'm no longer in pain now. It was honestly not worse than seeing Mick destroy himself. I'm at peace now (at least I think so, maybe I'm rotting in hell currently because of the countless times I had laughed when a little kid tripped, but honestly it was hilarious so it was definitely worth it), so don't be sad. Look for me in the skies, I promise to paint them in the most beautiful colours for all of you. You know how much I loved the sunsets, so I'll make them the most astounding skies you've ever seen."

Susie clutched to her heart as their own hearts clenched, rippping themselves apart with mourn and sadness that consumed them.

"Tell Mick to stop with that odd behaviours, and tell Lewis to finally get that chick he'd been head over heels for months (don't tell him I said that). Tell the boys to play football, I'll join them :) Or maybe in the pool, because I can imagine that hell is unbearably hot." Another desperate laugh escaped Mick's throat at her humor, still joking in the darkest of hours.

"Remember; No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to you." Mick's heart clenched more at the mention of their favourite song, the one they had been screaming to at the top of their lungs.

"And tell Max that I forgive him. He deserves to know." Toto felt anger bubbling up inside him. The last few months of her living, he had made them a personal hell. He had ripped her heart apart and then held her like he didn't bring so much suffering upon her, like he had the right to do so.

"I love you all eternally and even now, with me gone, my love stays. It's still lingering in the walls, still haunting this house. It'll forever be present. I'll make sure of it. Yours forever, Tilly."

The room fell silent, before everyone broke into sobs, Mick lowering himself to the ground. He clutched the piece of paper to his chest while desperate sobs escaped his throat.

Toto felt like he was dead inside and he knew that the others must felt the same.

Maybe, if he had stayed with her, she wouldn't have died.