guilt

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tw‼️ self harm, eating disorder, panic attack

lupin was the one who found her.

he had been walking to the staff lounge to get another cup of coffee, when he passed by the girls bathroom, which reeked of blood. not just any blood, however. his werewolf senses were able to pick up on subtleties that would go unnoticed by anyone else. this was y/n's blood. panic slid down his back like an ice cube. he hurried into the lavatories, and made a beeline to the last stall, which had blood on the floor below it.

"alohamora!" lupin's voice cracked with emotion. the stall door swung open to reveal y/n, pale as a ghost, laying on the floor unconscious.

gingerly, he picked her up bridal style, and ran to the infirmary. this was taking too long. he pushed himself to run faster despite the burn in his legs.

y/n was light. too light. her bones poked through her clothes with alarming sharpness. how had he not noticed until now? she had told him about her issues with food, and still he did nothing.

madam pomfrey was changing the sheets on the cots when they arrived. the switch in her face from assured composure to alarm and sorrow was something he would not forget quickly.

"set her on the cot and expose the wound, i'm grabbing blood replenishers," she directed with the self-control one could only build with experience in the medical field. lupin did as she told him, and pulled up the sleeve of her robe.

he choked back a sob. he could feel the panic attack mounting before it came, something so overwhelming and bigger than himself washing over him, dragging him under. hands and floor and blood and tears and oh merlin this was all his fault. madam pomfrey guided him to a bed after she stabilized y/n, but it was all a blur. mcgonagall materialized by his side, pulling him in for a hug. suddenly he was a boy again, looking for acceptance wherever he could find it, falling into her stern love. he soaked her robe with his tears.

breathe. one, two, three. hold. three, two, one. hold.

"i was supposed to help her."

mcgonagall exhaled and then spoke "you still can."

another shortish chapter!! sorry :( the next one is already in the works, so don't worry, i just liked the clean ending to this chapter lol.

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