Remus Lupin Comfort 🤎

ana

tw‼️ anorexia, self harm mention

leaving the hospital wing was a harsh awakening for y/n. hermione tried to act normal around her, thank merlin. however she couldn't shake the feeling that everyone knew what had happened.

madam pomfrey suspended her from quidditch, on the account of y/n being severely underweight and malnourished. the news stabbed like a knife, but a part of her, the anorexic voice in the back of y/n's mind, felt a flash of smug joy. she wanted to be thin, and now she was. but not thin enough. it was never enough.

she stayed in professor lupin's spare room at night, and spent most of her classes brainstorming a way to find a new blade. her entire stash had been raided following her leaving the hospital wing. it left her itching for release.

on saturday morning, y/n woke to the smell of fresh pancakes. her stomach growled, but quickly the anxiety of being forced to eat food replaced any feelings of hunger. she briefly contemplated the idea of faking the flu, but magic could fix any common malady, and the ruse wouldn't hold up under close inspection.

y/n dragged herself out of bed and into professor lupin's living area. she wore grey sweatpants and a faded ravenclaw quidditch t-shirt from last year.

lupin watched her, a bleary eyed and vaguely grumpy figure, stumble into the room with nothing short of parental affection.

"goodmorning miss y/n." he smiled.

y/n looked away shyly. "'morning."

"i made pancakes for us." remus tried to gauge her reaction. would she refuse to eat? make up an excuse? give in but try to burn it off later? he'd gone easy on her with meals the last few days, but she was still losing weight and it was time to intervene. she needed to recover or her eating disorder would kill her.

y/n's shoulders visibly stiffened, and he could hear the small quaver in her voice when she answered, "i'm not really hungry." he paused.

"...y/n"

"no"

"your body needs food"

"im not hungry"

"at least sit down with me," remus insisted. it was a fine line between pushing her and just causing unnecessary distress. when she reluctantly sat down, he fought hard to not show his relief. remus placed a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of her. y/n immediately opened her mouth to object.

"i'm not-"

he cut her off, "you don't have to eat it, but it's here if you change your mind."

he promptly dug into his own portion of pancakes, adding a sizable drizzle of maple syrup to the top of the stack. between bites, remus engaged in conversation with y/n as if everything was normal.

at first, she answered all of his questions with a simple yes or no answer, but as the conversation wore on, she began to elaborate on her responses more.

"do you have any pets?"

"yeah, well, i used. a few years ago i had a cat, but he ran away when i was ten," she said, "his name was tiberius."

"tiberius?" lupin questioned with an amused smile, "that's an interesting name."

y/n flushed. "yeah... i thought it sounded very regal and sophisticated."

remus nodded solemnly. "tiberius is a very respectable name."

the conversation lulled for a few minutes. lupin was finishing his plate. however, y/n, whose pancakes were still untouched, stared at her portion with a mix of longing and disgust.

she pinched herself on the arm, hard.

don't eat don't eat don't you dare those pancakes will make you fat he definitely fried them in oil too many calories too many carbs too much you're so fat you're a pig you're disgusting nothing tastes as good as skinny feels if you eat this everyone will think you're fat and ugly and weak without quidditch you have nothing to burn off all of these calories so you don't deserve it

ana screamed. and she threatened. and she was persuasive.

and y/n was so hungry and so tired of fighting with her own brain, that her eyes started to water and all of a sudden it felt as if all the air in the room was gone.

y/n took a shuddery breath and looked up to find professor lupin watching her with concern. always with concern. when would she stop being a burden? a random thought appeared in her head. i just want him to be proud of me.

"y/n?" lupin said softly. he put his hand on her's. "what's going through your head right now?"

she could do this. she could be honest. y/n wanted to get better, she honestly did. but she didn't know how to tell him how loud the voice was, and how anxious it made her, and how anorexia made food the enemy. she couldn't describe how controlling food made the anxiety die down, if only for a moment. so all she managed to say was-

"i can't do it," she sobbed. "i can't eat this."

"why not?"

why not? y/n was baffled by the question, and how to answer it. it was like trying to tell a toddler that they can't wear pajamas to preschool.

because, i just can't.

"i want to, i love pancakes, but i-" she broke off.

"y/n, nothing bad will happen if you eat pancakes. or any carbs. eating won't hurt you. not eating will." his voice was gentle, yet firm.

it sounded impossible. but she wanted to try. she wanted to make professor lupin proud.

so she picked up the fork, and took a bite.

sorry this took so long to write 😔
thank you to everyone who has stuck around! you're comments and stars mean the world to me and i couldn't be more grateful for my readers 🫶🏻

also i'm assuming anyone who is reading this is not mentally well so if you ever need someone to talk to my dms are always open! you matter and this world would not be the same without you