Remus Lupin Comfort 🤎

trauma

tw‼️ talk of self harm, suicide, eating disorders, sexual assault

the beginning

where had it all began?

"i've always wanted to be perfect at everything i do, like, i couldn't mess up at anything without hating myself. and whenever i underperformed, i would just spiral into self destruction to punish myself..." y/n trailed off into thought for a moment, rubbing her forearms.

"and for a while, i was good at everything i tried, and soon it wasn't special to do good on a test, or paint a pretty picture, or whatever it was. it was just expected of me, and whenever i messed up a little it was like i failed." lupin nodded to encourage her to keep talking.

"it was an obsession. be perfect. be flawless. and one day i looked in the mirror and i didn't look perfect; i looked fat, and i felt fat. and i was like, i was so annoyed, i hated how much i loved food yeah? so i thought it would be better, if there wasn't any food!" y/n starts laughing so much her eyes water. "but that's so silly, because i've got to eat food or i'll die, won't i?"

"...y/n" lupin whispered softly. she kept going.

"so i thought it would be better, if i just got it over with then and there." y/n was not laughing anymore. she was crying. and then, all of a sudden, remus wanted to cry too. and he wanted to give her a hug, because y/n never deserved any of it. so he did, and she buried her face into his chest.

remus waited until he could trust himself to speak without crying. "when did the stuff with your stepfather start?"

"he moved in when i was seven. my dad... isn't really in the picture... so it was just my mom, my stepdad luke, and i. he acted really nice at first, always buying me presents and taking us out to dinner." there was a sense of dull pain in her voice, like a weight she bore every day. she sat up to look lupin in the eyes.

"and then?"

"and then he wasn't so nice. he threw stuff at me when he was mad, and threatened to kill me if i didn't get all A's in school. except, the real kicker is that he only did this when my mom wasn't around, and acted like a goddamn saint the rest of the time," y/n said. she fidgeted nervously, casting her gaze downwards. "he thought i should be punished if i wasn't getting good grades, and that's when he... touched me," she whispered. y/n hugged her knees to her chest. she looked so small, so young.

for a moment, all remus could feel was pure, unbridled rage at this man who did such a disgusting thing.

"i tried to tell my mom what was happening. she didn't believe me. then she told me to stop being an attention whore and making up stories."

remus tried to think of something to say, but i turned out he didn't need to. y/n leaned her head against his chest again and said "i love you, professor"

before he could respond, she was fast asleep.

"i love you too y/n," he said, and after a moment's consideration, added, "and call me remus."

please comment and star if you liked this chapter!! also, after im done with this book im considering doing a book of wolfstar one shots so lmk if that sounds like something you'd be interested in! love you all 🫶🏻