𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 ━ jackson avery

016. ━ welcome back

season seven // episode two
[ welcome back ]

❝And I know that working
isn't the solution, but it's all
I have.❞

ELLIE SAT IN front of the mirror, pulling back her blonde locks into french braids out of her face. She stared back at her reflection, the dark circles under her eyes from the restless nights. The memories swirling in her mind.

Mark knocked on the door. "Hey, sunshine, you ready to go?"

Ellie looked up at him with a doubtful look on her face. "I—I don't know if I can do this."

"Sure you can." Mark sat beside her and she looked down at her hands. "You just have to take it one day at a time. You have people around you, Ellie. Me, Jackson, April. Which... is why you're on my service until further notice. Chief agreed to it."

Ellie sighed and looked back in the mirror. "Okay."

Once she was inside the hospital, she left Mark's side before finding the conference room and walking in with a knock.

Dr. Perkins looked up. "Ah, Dr. Sloan. I was wondering when I would be seeing you. Please, have a seat."

Ellie closed the door behind her and sat in the chair while hugging her legs to her chest. Dr. Perkins opened his file.

"I understand you were in the psych ward for over a month," he said and she nodded. "Can you tell me more about that?"

"Like what?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What exactly do you want to know, Dr. Perkins?" Ellie asked. "Why I was in the psych ward? How I felt while I was there? How I'm feeling now?"

"To start."

She let out a breath. "I was dead. Twice. My brother told me that I flatlined twice for twenty minutes before they got my heart rate stabilized. And, I... I don't know, I freaked. I should have died. I was shot in the abdomen and left alone for over an hour. I should have bled to death, but I didn't. I... I survived. I woke up from the surgery to news that one of my other best friends was killed. So, instead of losing one friend, I lost two. And I learned that Meredith Grey, who is as good as my sister-in-law, had a miscarriage. And a man I consider to be a brother, nearly died.

"I just... I had a pretty crappy childhood. Growing up, I didn't have parents around much. Just me and my brother. But he didn't understand all the emotions I went through. The emotions of a teenage girl. So, I kept them bottled up. It's how I got my nickname. Sunshine. No one ever saw me unhappy. Because I wouldn't let them. In fact, I was determined on that. Always smiley and peppy and happy. But lately..." Ellie looked out the window with a shrug. "Lately I've been emotional. I've been distant. I have had so many people come to see me, but I just close the door in their face. I just—I just want the pain to go away. I want the aching in my heart to leave. And I know that working isn't the solution but it's all I have.