I really didn't want to go home. I never do. My dad would just start yelling for no reason. I was led on the couch in the shop with my skateboard beside me.
"How come you don't wanna go home?" Ray came over and sat by me.
"My dad hates me..." I muttered.
"Why? You used to be close?" He said softly.
The memories flushed in and a tear ran down my face.
"What's going on?" He tilted his head.
I sat up and threw my head against the wall. He moved to sit by me and held my hand. I couldn't tell him everything.
"I went to my aunt's because my mom died..." I say forward and put my elbows on my knees.
"Oh shit..." His thumb rubbed the back of my hand.
"And it's..." My chest started to tighten and it felt like I couldn't breathe, "And I...fuck!"
"It's ok..." Ray nodded reassuringly.
I used to get a lot of panic attacks, Ray and Fuckshit were always there to help. I love them so much.
"Keira sit back..." He pushed my chest back slightly so I could sit back.
"Don't tell Fuckshit...please..." I panted, wiping the tears, "He and my mom were close...she loved him more than me I swear..." I laughed a little.
"I won't tell him...don't worry..." He smiled slightly and pushed my hair back.
"I love you Ray..." I said softly, leaning down and putting my head on his lap.
"I love you too..." He ran his fingers through my hair.
I know this may seem romantic like we're a couple but we're not. He's my best friend.
"You wanna sleep over mine?" He asked.
"Yeah sure..." I smiled, looking up at him.
-
We got to his house and I was immediately invited by his family.
"Hey ma! Keira's here!" Ray called, walking into the living room.
"Keira!" His mom smiled, standing up.
She hugged me tightly which made me smile. Ray's mom was like a second mother to me, any time I needed to get out the house, her's was open to me.
"Is it alright if she stays the night?" Ray called from the kitchen.
"Yes yes of course!" She nodded, stepping back, "Aw look at you! You've grown so much! How come we haven't seen you in so long?"
"I was at my aunt's! But I'm back now!" I smiled.
"Aw great! Have you eaten honey? I'm making some gumbo!" She made her way to the kitchen where she caught Ray stuffing his face with food.
She smacked it out his hand and quietly yelled something. He looked at her wide eyed with a shrug.
"So you guys dating yet?" She asked, stirring the pot on the stove.
"No Ma! It's not gonna happen!" Ray shook his head and sat up on the counter.
"Why! I don't want you marrying one of these basic white girls around here!" She exclaimed dramatically, "Anyway if you guys do end up together and marrying, name your kid Isabella!"
"Mama!" Ray whined, rolling his eyes.
"Alright alright!" She laughed, "I wouldn't get with him anyways! Can't cook or clean for the life of him!" She advised to me.
"Oi!" Ray exclaimed as I laughed.
"I know believe me! I've seen him run the shop!" I teased.
"You're no better!" Ray rolled his eyes again.
"I haven't been there in a year so fuck you!" I gave him the middle finger as his mother laughed.
"You remind me so much of your mother..." She sighed sadly.
"You know?" My heart sank.
"Yeah...beautiful woman!" She laughed, "Very brave!"
I smiled and blinked away the tears. I know this sounds a little childish but my mom was the strongest person I knew. She survived a lot more than I ever could, I'm surprised it was a car accident that took her out.
"Alright we're gonna go upstairs!" Ray stood up.
"You guys hungry?" She asked.
"No I'm alright! Thank you though!" I smiled politely.
We went upstairs and I sat down on his bed. His room was a mess, I'm not judging though, mine's probably worse so who am I to say anything.
"Sorry bout the mess..." He said softly.
"Don't worry about it!" I smiled, crossing my legs as he picked up some clothes and shoved them in the corner.
"How you feeling?" He stopped and looked at me before turning on his cd player so Cypress Hill was playing.
"Alright..." I took a breath in.
"You still get panic attacks then huh?" He chuckled, sitting in front of me on the bed.
"Yeah...I think they've gotten worse..." I laughed, looking down.
"You weren't really at your aunt's were you?" What he said made me look up quickly, I couldn't lie.
"No..." I shook my head.
"Where were you?"
I took a shaky breath in and broke the eye contact.
"I'm not gonna judge you or anything if that's what you think...you're my best friend and you disappeared for a year without a word...did you run away?"
"No I uh...I had a breakdown after the accident..."
They knew about the accident, they didn't know my ma died and they definitely didn't know the rest.
I couldn't look him in the eye. He was staring me down as I tried to find a way to say it.
"When I went to the hospital and found out my ma died...the guilt and grief kind of...overwhelmed me...when they gave me painkillers I'd hide them under my tongue until I had enough..."
"Fuck..." He winced, knowing what I was gonna say next.
"I took them all which sent the machine off and the nurses came in...a week later they threw me into a psych ward...let me out a few days ago..."
I explained it all and he listened to every bit.
"Are you ok now?" He held my hand.
"I guess...I mean it never truly goes away...you just gotta learn to cope with it I guess..." I shrugged.
His eyes didn't leave me and he had a look on him. I've never seen it before and I really didn't know what it meant.
"What?"
"It's weird seeing you like this..." He breathed.
"Like what?" I glanced to the side and then back at him, finally making eye contact.
"Like honest and actually talking..." He smiled slightly, "It's nice..."
"How so?" I laughed.
"I don't know..." I noticed him glance at my lips, "You're not angry or yelling at someone...you're just honest...don't get me wrong I love it when you yell at people! It's the funniest shit-"
YOU ARE READING
Scar // Mid90s fanfic
FanfictionBooze, weed, skateboards. Pretty good lifestyle if you were like me. Not a care in the world. Not having to worry about the future because you know there's not much there anyways. Until he came along again.
