Pregnant Without a Cause

Chapter Three: Episode 7

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WaRM Channel presents...... FAT CHANCE: COUPLES

Where Dreamers Make Reality

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FAT CHANCE is the reality show for everyone who's ever faced a challenge. Couples compete for rewards on the way to realizing their dreams, facing challenges designed for them that require sacrifice and accomplishment. As they climb the prize pyramid, the rewards increase, until one team emerges triumphant! In our first season, winners Kim and Sheryl took home $350,000 to build a bed and breakfast in Alaska. Sheryl says, "Fat Chance taught us how to win at life, and the people we met because of the show have been the best part!"

Each week FAT CHANCE brings viewers helpful tips and the latest strategies for success. One week we'll learn how easy it is to cook low-fat, and make simple home repairs, or we'll enter the fascinating world of mental and spiritual enhancement and present foolproof job-search strategies. You'll find any topic you see on a morning talk show, a home and garden channel, or a fitness challenge on FAT CHANCE, but here the information comes with a fun, competitive twist. Only if the teams meet their goals do they get to take part in the events and win prize money and gifts!

***

Jock Sundlin looked over the group. The contestants sat squeezed onto the couches and chairs of Edouard's great room, the crew slouching behind them. A large, minimally furnished living-family-dining-kitchen space with a high ceiling, the great room had most of the qualities of a studio set, which made it a great room because the new budget included nothing for studio space. Warm Channel had agreed to resume production, but on a budget of three caraway seeds and some pocket lint.

The sixteen contestants were happy. They had a chance again to win some money. The eight or so members of the film crew also appeared quite content. They'd had a sweet job drop in their collective Lapland. It was like a bonus round for everyone but Jock. For him, breaking even wasn't good enough. He had to have a hit to survive in television,or he'd be producing cooking shows in, like, Phoenix.

But now he had to bury his apprehension, because it was show time.

"So, here we are all again. In beautiful, warm Phoenix." Jock laughed. "This is probably the only time we'll all be together when you guys," he held his hand high to indicate the crew, "won't be filming you guys." He lowered his hand and smiled at the contestants.

Everyone chuckled. Oh, he was a witty fellow! The key to success for this show would be to establish and maintain a vibe. That was Jock's primary task, and something he had tried but failed to do in the first season of Fat Chance.

"When they cancelled us in May, all of you cast members had already been selected, so we're not totally starting from scratch." He turned to a petite, handsome, dark-haired woman who stood at his side clutching a daytimer like it was trying to escape. "You all remember Donna."

Donna gave them her brilliant smile and a double wave. "Yeah, we figured since most of you live here, why not do the show here? Except Mark and Paula from Denver. And..."

She paused. A sleepy-eyed man sitting on the loveseat shot his hand up. "Billy and Lucinda," said Donna. "From San Antone."

"While we're here, we can look for a job." Billy chuckled.

"Boy did you get bad advice," someone said. A ripple of laughter followed.

Jock felt no need to add that he'd chosen the contestants because the cable execs had cancelled the nationwide audition tour after three stops: San Antonio, Denver, and Phoenix.

"We'll be doing some fun things later on to help everyone get acquainted," said Donna. "You know, party games."

"Pin the tail on the honky?" said Nashon, the only black contestant.

Surprisingly warm laughter from the honkies. Jock nodded. Maybe this group wouldn't be so bad. They seemed to have some kind of chemistry. Reality television was kind of like a strip poker game. You needed a real trust that everybody was going for it, and no one would be laughed at more than the others would.

"So what exactly happened? Why did you get cancelled" asked Edouard, the don of the great room. He and hisdumpy girlfriend Michelle were doing a weight-loss challenge. That would be good for them. Improve their health and appearance. And you almost had to have a couple of appetite warriors on any reality show. But these two did not have alot of personality or drama.

"What happened?" Jock paused. This was his chance to show the cast and crew that he was really one of them, that they were a team—the creative, fun people just trying to make a good show. He wasn't one of them, the bean counters, the shallow, me-too Hollywood types. "As you know, they cancelled us in May, because they didn't like ourratings. Just a..." he held his thumb and forefinger up, indicating a half-inch. "Just a bit short of what they wanted. Then they put on this asinine Hot Wives of Cocoa Beach, or Hot Cocoa Puffs on the Loose, or something. And itbombed."

Donna laughed. A few others tittered uncertainly.

Jock continued. "She can laugh because she and I are practically the entire audience for the Cocoa Puffs. We watched, we hated, but we never gave up on this show. So now they come back to us, having been torched but not humbled. And they say, let bygones be bygones. We have a slot starting in February. Only what, five months from now? That's the nutshell version."

"So we told them," Donna segued like the pitch-meeting pro that she was, "We love this group, we'll go with them.And we're goin' to get creative. We like what the show

did last year, but that got cancelled. It can be better."

The contestants smiled and murmured. Some had been fans of the first season. Others simply showed up because they saw Jock on a local morning show inviting people to try out.

"Absolutely." Jock felt no need to mention the minuscule budget to either cast or crew. Definition of miniscule: besides producer Jock and associate Donna, there were only three people on salary. Jock and Donna would have to double as director, writer, editor, and anything else they needed. Hence the local film crew of unknown quality. Henceno budget for transportation, catering, or schlepping. And all out-of-towners stayed at Comfort Suites behind the mall in Scottsdale, off-season rate until November.

So keeping to the budget was a given. Finding creative solutions to problems was a must. But most important, for this show to have any future, it needed to create that vibe, that buzz, which was going to be a challenge because Jock and Donna had not had a chance to select from a large pool of contestants.

Jock would have to push this group to find the nuggets of weirdness and drama he needed. The drama he felt. This might be his last chance, and so far, the gay couple wasn't gay enough, the trying-to-heal-their-marriage couple, Mark and Paula, had too much passive and not nearly enough aggressive. The OCD couple, Nashon and Linda— he wasactually depressed, not compulsive—might explode at any time. Or they might just sit there and silently obsess.And those were his potential stars. The other five couples were just a blob. White, fleshy, zipsquatches.