𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭~ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

Jonathan

I had an affair.

And I have a son.

Linda doesn't know and there's no way in hell I could tell her, without her shattering her heart into a million pieces, or simply being able to reason with her.

I've always been quite reserved, when it came to my work life well everything general really, but my infidelity to be more specific.

It's wrong, I know, I'm just like all my shithead colleagues flaunting their affairs at work as they debate on who has the finest mistress, I promised myself that I would be better than them.

Until Scarlett stepped foot in my office and became my assistant the guys were practically drooling over her, but I kept myself set on my job.

I told myself everyday that I'm doing this for Linda, and that's what kept me strong.

I would remember the look on her face, her vulnerable eyes, when she holds on to me as if it would be our last encounter before I walk out the door for work.

She's been nothing but an incredible partner to me, but I spend most of my hours at work than I do with her, so I'd look to other things to entertain myself that didn't mean hurting myself or Linda, but it got to a point where I could no longer keep true to that thought.

Scarlett the way she looked at me, how she would call for my attention by wearing those skirts that went just above her ankles, and blouses low enough to where I could see her cleavage whenever she knelt  down in front of me, I know it was wrong to look at another woman other than my own, but I kept I'm distance.

Until one rainy night, Scarlett's car broke down and I offered to help it get towed and fixed in the mean time I offered to drive her place.

As I walked her up to her apartment we got caught up in a conversation, as I stood at her door she thanked me and invited me in for a drink.

I refused but she insisted, until finally giving in to only have one.

And the door shut.

That night all restraint I had in me had completely shattered.

One night turned into a full on affair, I fucked Scarlett every time I got the chance, there were two night's where I even slept with her in our own house in our bed, till this day I feel shame for doing that especially when Linda was out visiting her sick father in Rhode island.

This affair Lasted for a long while, and after my first anniversary I promised Linda that I would change, that I would be the man she wanted me to be. The man she deserved.

Deep down I just couldn't come back to her have supper and sleep beside and act like I didn't just fuck with another woman in my car.

There was no reason for me to cheat and I'm not going to try to come up with some petty excuse in order to to defend myself, it was simply a choice.

It got to the point where I could no longer look at Scarlett without feeling some kind of disgust with myself and her especially for making me lose control.

So I let her go, I told her I no longer wanted to see her even though she begged me not to do this to her but I could no longer look at her the same.

In the meantime I promised Scarlett to pay for her expenses while she looked for a new job, I just wanted her out of my life.

During those few weeks I decided to make good on my promise with Linda, by taking Linda on a trip to Malibu for our first year of our "perfect" marriage as if it would make up for everything I did to her.

People could glance at us and they saw as the ideal couple, so did Linda but I couldn't disagree with them more.

I couldn't come clean to Linda, I tried to live day to day life  as if everything was perfect between us, when in reality the guilt was still eating up at me and Linda was staring to realize this as well.

To add on to the pile of self loathing, Scarlett messaged me one night telling she was four- weeks pregnant and that I was the father.

Showing me proof by laying out three pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter and all three of them said positive.

I didn't want to believe she was pregnant, I asked her if she had been sleeping around with other men,  she answered truthfully saying I'm the only person she's been intimate with the past year.

I tried to compromise a deal with her, tell her I'll pay her fifty grand in order for her to abort the fetus and make sure she doesn't tell a soul about this, I just didn't want my reputation to be ruined as well as my marriage.

Yet she refused wanting to keep this baby and expecting me to leave Linda, so that we could be some happy family?

No fucking way.

It's as if all the women I've met in my life don't have the capacity to think rationally, I know deep down I'm just being arrogant.

I wasn't going to force Scarlett to get rid of the kid if she really wanted it, but that didn't mean I was going to let her take advantage of me and tell the whole city she was having my kid.

I paid her a good sum of money to keep her happy and silent.

Until then I went on with my everyday life with Linda, treating her to the finest things and taking her to the finest establishments, touching her and fucking her whenever she wanted me to, telling her how much I loved her and cared about every word that came out of her mouth. Everything a woman would ever expect in a relationship.

While Scarlett was in her apartment sick and swollen with my child, Linda and I were on the high, as if we're in our honeymoon phase all over again I was even able to act like my normal self again.

It's not as I had totally forgotten about Scarlett, I went to visit her from time to time to see how she was holding up.

But that also meant lying to Linda, telling her I had to attend some nonexistent meetings or take care of some extra paperwork.

I want to protect her feelings.

I could always tell with Linda's intuition she knew that something wasn't right and she was wrong to think so.

But once Scarlett had our son my whole world changed.

I carried that tiny being in my arms and studied every  detail of his face, I knew one thing right there and then that he was my pride and that I loved him. A love would've never thought I had In the confines of my heart. A father's love.

The urge to protect him from any harm that tries to come his way.

I'm living two separate lives being a hard working husband and provider for Linda and being a present father in my son's life.

It's not easy, I've been thinking of laying it all on Linda. And telling her the truth, she deserves it after all.

But I could only imagine the way she would react to this news.

I could imagine anyone taking this news in a negative light but Linda, I could see her take it to a whole other level.

I don't know what she would do with herself if I told her about my infidelity and especially about my boy.

Hell, what would she do to me?

Fucking ruin me?

What about my son?

I'm ashamed to admit as a man, I'm afraid of my own wife I don't want to underestimate her because I don't know what's she really capable of.

Linda's not stupid nor is she naive, I can't explain her emotional intelligence she could read someone just by their expression and know what the hell got them here in the first place, pretty impressive.

But she can't find out about my infidelity, even less about the kid.

But if that day ever comes, I'll confess to her, I'll confess everything and pray that she finds it in her heart to forgive me and still love me for my sins.