The Cost of Conjuring: A Bargain Beyond Blood

9. If you knew her, you wouldn't like her either

Cera doesn't let me leave until the sun illuminates the dust dancing in the air. I feel worse than I thought was physically possible even with my mind too numb and heavy to comprehend the depths of my failure. I should enjoy it while it lasts.

"Don't do anything stupid," she says as I use her scaly head as support getting up from the floor.

"I won't." It's easy to avoid her violet eyes in this position. I focus on staying on my feet. Slowly letting go of the warm scales as my body remembers how to balance itself.

She looks at me, her tail swishing against the floor. "No magic."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I'm not stupid."

She huffs and turns her head. Like I'm too stupid to even look at. "Could have fooled me."

Her tail lies still at her side now, so I have no idea if she's really upset or just teasing me.

The circle and its surroundings look even worse in daylight. I refuse to acknowledge any estimations of how much time and work it'll take to get it back in order. Just looking at the mess is exhausting.

I scan the chaos for the book I got from Nina, hoping it survived. The rest of the books I've read so many times I have them memorized. The important parts at least. And the most advanced and rare ones I have hidden at the apartment.

Everything smells like smoke and magic. Blackened papers shatter between my fingers as I try to lift them.

Cera's eyes follow me as I move around the room, painfully slowly because everything hurts. It's like having two violet spotlights trained on me.

She's silent but the questions hang between us, thicker than any smoke. The most pressing one is: What now?

I don't even want to think about it. But I owe it to her to at least try to fake having my shit together enough to produce a vague plan. I'm the one who put us in this position after all.

"I'm going to hit the books," I say, spotting the blue cover almost fully concealed under a melted candle. It's sealed to the floor and I have to use all my very limited strength to pull it away, breaking the hard wax. Everything starts spinning and I bend over, hands on my knees, getting some blood back into my head before I continue. "And talk to Alice. Maybe the physics angle will give something." The enthusiasm to even say the words is more than I can muster. My legs sway as the energy drains out of me like an old phone battery.

"You need to rest. And eat."

"I'll start with that," I say glancing at the stone in the middle of the cracked circle but decide to leave it. My stomach revolts at the mere thought of food. Crashing into bed and sleeping for sixteen hours on the other hand, I can get behind.

"I'll come back and clean this up tomorrow."

Cera stays silent, watching me walk to the other end of the room and leave through the smaller door. I wonder how much she hates me right now. I bet it's a lot. Mainly for being allowed to leave this room.

I manage a hundred meters before I stop and lean my back against a brick building with chains on the doors.

The morning air is damp, full of promises of spring. Sunlight reflects off the wet pavement. Invisible birds chirp from even more invisible trees like their small lives depend on it and I sink down on the sidewalk, back against the wall.

The rays keep hitting the irregularities in the wet asphalt, reflecting off at different angles as they move up the street. Chasing away the shadows. The sound from the birds grows even more frantic as the sky lightens. It takes me an hour to find the will to get up and start moving toward the train station.