Free Verse Chronicles: Soulful Writings.

Losing control

Losing control, it's always been my fear,
Living by instincts, emotions near,
A certain kind of intuition, I adhere,
With plans A, B, and C, made clear.
Yet, these days, it feels like I've lost my way,
Still in control, yet somehow led astray,
Knowing how to act and react in this array,
Wondering where I'm headed, day by day.

Maybe it's the early onset of the thirties' strife,
This feeling of a fragmented life, F
our months, no lines to write,
A writer's block, a daunting fight.

Not for lack of time, mind you, it's there,
This pandemic's grasp, its weight to bear.
But maybe that's the trick, too much to bear,
Before I can return to my keyboard's lair.
Oh, and some prying eyes, indeed, quite absurd,
By someone's watchful gaze, I've heard,
Hello, dear observer, if you swing by,
Enjoying these words, I wonder, as you spy?
Your judgment, your curiosity askew,
Your unrefined reflections about me, too.
But to your intrusive inquiries, I say,
Thumbs up to you, have a good day.

Back to this endless train of thought,
No beginning, no end, it's all untaught,
Musings, do they fly high? Or not so much, just a simple try.

I missed writing, the urge is real,
Stories and pitches, my thoughts conceal.
But it seems like they won't break free,
Early attempts, so terrible they flee.
I'd open my text-processing space,
Staring blankly, an empty place.
Words came not or if they did,
Straight to the "clear," they slid.
Online gaming, my daily pill,
Didn't make me a better player, still.
But it kept me numb for three long months,
A bubble of comfort, or perhaps denial's stunts.
And then tonight, out of the blue,
A sudden urge, and what to do?
Not much, really, but it's music's grace,
An awakening, an embrace.

Have I shaken off my writer's block's chain?
I don't know; we'll see if it remains.
For tonight, at least, it seems I'm free,
So, despite this endless "blah," I'll let it be.