Asylum

Group activities

Journal #27 (day 78)
I'm a solo act. These group activities are death... I don't work well with others. Now that I've talked to some of the other girls, Kayla wants me to participate. I tried to get out of it but I failed.
Kayla: alright girls, I want all of us to go around the circle and share a fear. I'll go first. I am afraid of failing one of you.
Jojo: your the best.
Kayla: thanks. Avery your next then we will go around.
I sigh. Everyone stares at me while I think.
Me: I'm afraid of disappointing my parents.
Kayla nods. Everyone goes around.
Kayla: now I want to around the circle again and I want you to tell us why you have this fear. I have a fear of failing one of you guys because I have failed a girl before and she left here and killed herself less than twenty four hours of being out.
Me: but how could you have known?
Kayla: I don't know, but I feel like I should have known.
Me: I'm afraid that like my real mom and dad wouldn't have had so many issues if it wasn't for me. I know it's not my fault, but I want my new parents, to be able to say to their friends, that's my daughter, and brag about me, I want to get out of here and make them proud because I have never done that before. But I want this to be a new beginning.
Kayla: I know for a fact that your parents are proud of you.
I roll my eyes.
Me: yeah okay.
We continue around the circle.
We end for lunch.
The only group activity I have to participate in that I like is art. I only like it because I only have to explain why I drew what I did. Cassidy leaves me alone for the most part. They have my art hanging around the buildings. I'm allowed to do physical activities now. I run a mike everyday an hour after breakfast. I love running. Kayla told me I'll be out of here before school starts. Which is cool. I get to leave tomorrow for cross county try outs. We are having a talent show in a week for our parents, I'm going to read a few of my poems, and sing a song. I'm excited. I feel like my life is finally coming together. I eat, smile, I'm really getting better. I'm talking to mom and dad everyday, I call them mom and dad all the time. I've come to realize they are my parents my only parents. The people who cared enough to help.
I almost forgot to write about my visit with Jordan. I never realized how much of a prick he is. He just showed up here demanding to see me. I didn't see him at first. I had to tell him I was done with him. I went into the visiting room and he was pacing, biting his nails. He looked like death. "Baby I missed you so much. I'm so sorry your in here."
"I'm not."
"Your not what, sweetheart." He pulled me into him. I backed away. He smelled like stale smoke and b.o. "What's wrong."
"I'm done Jordan, I'm better. I'm healthy, I'm sober. I can't be with you. We can't be anything until you are sober, and healthy. I can't be with you."
He laughed, "you can't leave me."
"I can. I don't need you. I'm better now. I am too good for you. You need to leave." I walked out of the room, and went to find Diana. "That boy needs to leave." She nodded.
"I'm proud of you." She sent shivers down my spine. I smiled. I went back to my room and took a nap.
I've got to go, it's dinner time.

A/n
This chapter/ update  is dedicated to @meganflett0687 who was the last to comment begging for an update. I'm sorry, I've been busy two jobs and school, but I promise I'm writing.
~Sydney