1.1 Say What You Mean to Say

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An author should say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.
~ Mark Twain

Amelia read over her story. One paragraph read...

Harry based static percepting Hermione terpsichore transverse the structure with Victor Krum. The jejune supernatural tangled his bosom pulsate and his pharynx fasten as he surveillant the beauteous adolescent enchantress saltation axial the artifact. Ever did he deliberate Hermione would visage so statuesque. The serene, tranquil aphotic exhalation stroked in through the exemplary as he wonderment if he should inquire her to terpsichore.

The piece could finally ready for submission due to going over the piece to make sure what she wrote used excellent grammar and amazing vocabulary. A few days later though a review popped up on her story. "Your vocabulary is atrocious. Half the words don't mean what you think it does."

"The words I choose are a part of my writing style, so I shan't be changing it. The fact you don't like stories with big words isn't my fault."

"My issue isn't that I dislike stories with big words. My issue is with how you use your vocabulary."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No it isn't."

"Reads like the same thing to me."

...

One of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain is "an author should say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it." Sometimes even an experienced writer doesn't always say exactly what they're meaning. Is though saying exactly what you mean important? Here's what Amelia wrote without using all of those big words.

Harry stood still watching Hermione dance across the floor with Victor Krum. The young wizard felt his heart throb and his throat tighten as he watched the pretty young witch dance across the floor. Never did he think Hermione would look so beautiful. The calm, calm night air blew in through the window as he wondered if he should ask her to dance.

At first glance the paragraph Amelia wrote may look like a better version of the paragraph above, but if you look carefully you'll see the writer repeated things in the paragraph. I'm not talking about how Hermione's described as beautiful. The first time the word "pretty" was used to describe Hermione directly and the second time the word "beautiful" is used to describe Hermione as "pretty" indirectly. One comes from the narrators point of view, and the other from the point of view of a particular character.

What I'm talking about is how Amelia repeated the fact Harry watched Hermione dance across the floor twice, and then in a later sentence the writer used two words which are synonyms for each other. All the writer did for the first two sentences was reword what they wrote in a different manner, and thus ended up padding their word count. Is there anything wrong with padding ones word count? I'm going to say yes, there is something wrong with padding ones word count. Achieving a particular word count by padding ones word count isn't the same as achieving the same word count without padding ones word count.

Amelia repeating what she already said isn't the only problem though.

A synonym according to Merriam Webster is "one of two or more words or expressions of the same language that have the same or nearly the same meaning in some or all senses". One mistake I've seen writers make is to assume a synonym actually means "two words which mean the same meaning". The definitions are going to vary.

One of the words Amelia exchanged for each other was based for stood.

Stand: to support oneself on the feet in an erect position
Base: the lower part of a wall, pier, or column considered as a separate architectural feature

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