How to Write a Good Fanfic

3.1.2 - Emotions

I've critiqued fanfic for over ten years.

The worst response I've seen from writers is the claim I don't care about how the critique makes them feel. Sometimes it gets to the point where they claim I couldn't possibly know how it feels.

Well, I don't think they could possibly know how it felt to be told I was a lazy writer simply because I couldn't tell the difference between their and there because of my dyslexia. I doubt they'd understand how it feels to have people not believe you're dyslexic because people honestly believe those with dyslexia either can't read and write, or they can't do it well. There is a major difference between feeling bad because someone told you the truth and because someone told you a lie.

And yeah, I do know what it's like to hear the truth about my work and not those lies. It stings, that is for sure, but I don't blame my hurt feelings on the person who told me the truth. I did get mad when a young reader tried telling me I used too much exposition and then they couldn't articulate what they meant when I asked for clarification, but that's a completely different matter. That's actually far more memorable than the ones which told me the truth.

I'm not going to apologize for hurting someone's feelings even though it used to be the polite thing to do because that has shifted from simply being the polite thing to do to being the interpreted these days as an addition of guilt when it's not. The fact someone hurt your feelings doesn't mean they did anything wrong, nor does it mean they're a bully. After all, nobody wants to play with the bully and this will hurt the bullies feelings, but are the kids who avoid them really being mean?

Psychology tells us that feeling bad is actually a good thing, though it doesn't seem like a good thing at the time. I suggest reading "Emotional Acceptance: Why Feeling Bad is Good" by Dr. Noam Shpancer or "Fighting Our Negative Emotions Does More Harm Than Good" by Anna Meyer. Another article is "Stop Fearing Critical Feedback—Fear Not Getting It Instead" by Fadeke Adegbuyi. I also suggest reading Scott Mautz's article "Do You Fear Criticism? Science Explains Why (and Gives These 6 Fixes".

To quote him here, "A strategy of avoiding criticism is more damaging than you think. Aristotle said, 'There's only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.' Avoiding criticism is what makes you weaker, not the criticism itself, and such avoidance means you're withholding your gifts."

Am I saying here it is the fault of the person with mental illness that they feel the way they do? No. However, it's not the fault of the person doing the critique either but blaming how you feel on the person who told you the truth is a form of deflection. I've talked to a few others in fandom who are open about having certain things which trigger them emotionally and their response has always been that it is their job to avoid what triggers them – the writer only being to blame if they didn't properly warn through the summary or a warning.

With writing, critique comes with the territory, so if hearing negative things is your trigger than avoid posting your writing online for people to see. The better solution though, if at possible – is to try and build up a thick skin and deal with the trigger, as it is impossible to go through life without hearing negative things, nor can you expect others to compensate because of your mental illness.

Also, with mental illness – the more you can take control, which will of course vary from person to person – the better you can feel about yourself. By this I don't mean you should avoid taking your medications if they work, for that is part of taking control. What I mean is taking control of the situations you find yourself in when you can. Mentally prepare yourself before hand when you can, but do the best you can even if that best isn't the best you would like.

Don't ask people to avoid critiquing your work simply because you want to avoid the negative feelings which come with it regardless of whether you have a mental illness or not. It's rude, and places the blame for how you feel on everyone else, yet also puts those who critique in the same category as those who bully/flame simply because your feelings got hurt, but they don't belong in the same category at all.