3.1.1.1 - Stop Playing the Nicety Game

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This is one of two articles I am writing in response to Dan Robitzski's article on Fatherly called "Happy Kids Versus resiliency: Why Anxious Parents Can Calm Down".

In a way, this is a follow up to 3.1.1 – The Young Writer where I talk about how some argue we should avoid critique because it hurts the young writers feelings because there is this belief that "young writers are sensitive souls who will quit writing if they're told how bad their stories are." In that article I brought up the fact we don't see the same level of critique in fanfic as we do fanart because with the ones doing art we've already weeded out the kids for whom art isn't the thing, but with writing this isn't the case.

However, with this one I want to dive into the fact making sure a person is always happy is the wrong thing to do, particularly when the person is young. What we're doing is aiding what the article calls the "parents' desire to see their kids happy" which in turn "can stand in the way of their obligation to raise resilient adults capable of facing hardship and seeking out joy." We've seen this with the reboots and continuations of series which are failing, but these failings are also becoming more and more noticeable when we have the level of success we do with the current MCU or Marvel Cinema Universe, something we've not seen the scope of I think ever in Western culture.

I say Western culture because I'd say there are a few series in Japan which are long running like Gundam which have indeed had the kind of success that the MCU is having. There are other amazing series like HTTYD (How to Train Your Dragon), but they've definitely not reached the scope of the MCU, nor has DC's attempts to create something compatible. In fact, even the Star Wars saga's latest installments have been lackluster for certain fans with the saga's attempt to modernize despite still following the formula for a 1970s space opera while another series – Star Trek – has gotten quite a few facelifts since then.

These adults throwing tantrums because they're not getting their way – specifically only positive things which feed their emotion of feeling happy – is wrong. There is no getting around the fact these adults aren't functioning adults, but this is where these kids are going to be heading if we don't intervene. A few may be thinking, but it is the parent's job to raise the child. Except, this in itself is a contradiction to the way things used to be where it was the community which raised the child. Parents weren't on their own in raising their kids. Another issue is parents aren't always right, and in this particular case intervention is needed.

Another thing which stands out to me was regarding media which is "engaging, meaningful, and encourage social behaviors and active learning." The article goes on to say, "games or media that lack those qualities may make a kid happy in the moment, but they're likely to serve more as a distraction." That's what fanfiction becomes when we remove all negative criticism, which of course a few will argue isn't this the point as some people are trying to escape their real lives?

The problem with that lies with the fact our online lives are just as much a part of our real lives as our offline lives are. What we do online isn't fictional, but we're actively interacting with real people. The writer isn't the only real person in the situation either, which I bring up because people will argue we should remember when interacting with the writer we are interacting with a real person, yet in the same regard the ways we ask people to treat fanfic writers aren't at all the way we'd ask people to treat writers we deal with offline. In fact, while it is true that in writing circle writers participate in we try to find something nice to say about every writer there are a few writers which need to be told the blunt truth that writing isn't for them.

You may be thinking, but what kind of person shows up to a writing circle and needs to be told bluntly that writing isn't for them. While this is rare, I've heard horror stories of a person showing up to a writing circle with work which is so poorly written the other readers who are supposed to be critiquing the work can't read the work. That's one type, but the other type we find online shows up even less – I've heard no horror stories – because they know they're not welcome. By this I mean the writer who obviously doesn't care to try and throws something together expecting praise. Instead they show up more often than the writer whose grammar, formatting and spelling make their work difficult to read and discern.

Doesn't that strike you as a problem?

I don't play the niceness game. I know there are people who don't like stepping on toes and that's the reason they don't critique, but perhaps these people would seriously benefit from reading the article I found. I think people also need to ask themselves if they treat fanfic writers the same way they would treat a writer who writes original fiction, because that's a major key here. Of course, some people claim that fanfic writing is just a hobby, but that ignores the fact some of the writers who participate in writing circles don't do it as anything but a hobby and yet they take it just as seriously as those who don't.

Some might say, "but I'm not a writer", yet they are a reader and if something is published online it is – well, published regardless of whether it is done for free or fanfic rather than original fiction. Do you treat the fanfic writer the same way you do other writers? If you're not someone who reviews either, ever, then yeah, you can argue that your stance on reviewing is sound, but if you treat them differently, then the answer is no, your stance isn't sound. Of course, a few will argue that we should treat young writers differently in both realms, yet...

That actually proves my point. On one side we have young writers who are wanting to be taken seriously who went through over a dozen drafts and years of work before publishing, or the young writers who are now learning to edit the work of other young writers. To them, writing is not a game, nor do they expect to be treated with kid gloves. On the other side we have the writers who except an exception to be made because they're a kid. The end result is them quitting or them never becoming a good writer because the criticism given to a child was invalid because who dare critiques a child.

We see so few young writers publishing original fiction because we either expect the child is mature enough to handle the critique, or they're spoiled with parents who have connections. There are though no special connections beyond an internet connection a child needs to publish their fanfic works, yet I honestly believe young writers shouldn't be publishing online without parental permission. The one exception to this rule is the rare case where the parent is adamantly against their child's desire to write non-academic work and the child has no choice but to go behind their back.

My heart also goes out to these young writers as well and I don't think it is fair to group the other young writers in with them as every single one of these young writers do take what they do seriously, though some because of the criticism at home can't differentiate telling the writer "you're not allowed to write" from telling the writer "the writing has problems you need to work on". This ties into what I was talking about in the aforementioned article I wrote in that the reason young writers quit has to do with issues other than the critique, but these issues can't even be addressed if said writer doesn't bring them up.

What do I mean by this? I mean I can't tell a writer who suffers from their parents believing their writing is a waste of time and effort that pointing out the problems in the writing isn't the same thing, but instead actually saying that their writing is worth the time. Of course, I get mixed reactions because some teens – for the young writers we interact should be teens in order to have an account – aren't ready for handling the situation maturely so I'm left hoping what I say reaches them at a later date particularly since the writer being told their writing isn't worth the effort needs to know it is. That's all we really can do.

We don't though need to play the nicety game everyone else plays where nothing bad is ever said. The writer being told that their efforts are worthless only gets their egos bolstered for a brief period of time from positive reviews which come and go. A review though which points out the flaws with the intent of the writer becoming the writer the reader thinks they have the potential to be – it is that review which will last a lifetime.

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