2:56 :: h.s

trente quatre

17:47

"Are we going to Ashlyn's or not?" Stella asks.

My salad is gone and I'm almost finished with my coffee.
Jessa, Stella, Ashley, McKenna, Ashlyn, Zoe, and I sit at the long table in Panera.
Everyone is discussing on where we go after here.
I'm sitting on my phone, not really paying any attention.

"Okay, Harry, can you take Stella and Ashlyn?" Jessa asks.

I look up and shrug, "I don't care."

We clean up the table and walk out.

Ashlyn plays music on our way to her house and I feel like passing out.
It's only Tuesday.

Great.

I pull into Ashlyn's driveway and the two girls climb out.
I follow them up to her house.
I've never been here before so this is going to be interesting.

"Hi Mom," Ashlyn says.

"Hi honey," her mom replies.

"Hi Mom," Stella repeats.

"Hi sweetheart," Ashlyn's mom says.

"Hi Mom," I say even though I've never met the woman.

"Well, hello. Who are you?" She asks.

"I'm Harry."

"Nice to meet you Harry. I'm Lynn." Her smile is wide.

I return the gesture and follow the girls upstairs.

The stairs are creaky and the house reminds me of something that would be haunted.
I hear the rest of the girls come in and they find there way behind me.
Ashlyn opens her door and we all pile into her room.
The walls are an off-white and the accent color is red.
Fairy lights rim the top of the room and she has a twin sized bed.
Above the bed is three wires that hold many Polaroids.
I scan over them briefly and sit on Ashlyn's bed.

I lean against the wall and look more closely at the Polaroids.
The ones that are on the bottom row are of the girls in the room doing random things.
I look up to the second row and stop at the first picture.

Rae is standing against a white wall in a blue sweater.
Her hair is messily thrown into a bun.
Her hands are holding the bottom of the sleeves and cover her mouth.
She isn't wearing pants and her legs look tan.
It's a diaristic contrast to the pale complexion I've come to know.

"She was so beautiful," I hear Ashlyn say.

I look away from the picture of Rae and direct my attention across the room.

Ashlyn has a sad smile on her face and her eyes are glossy.

"She was beautiful in a dark way, though. Everything about her seemed so eerie and mysterious from an outsider's perspective. But once you got to know her she was the sweetest thing. She was always smiling and laughing-"

Zoe cuts her off, "her laugh was the best. It could light up a whole room and made everyone feel giddy and happy."

"She was really passionate about everything she did. It didn't matter what is was, if she was interested in it, she was completely into it. She was also very kind to everyone. And she always had a light attitude and it wore off on everyone," Ashley continues.

"Her hands were always cold," Ashlyn smiles, "if there was one thing I remember most about her, it's that her hands were always freezing. She would always reach over the aisle in class to hold my hand because mine were always warm."

I'm sure it was nothing compared to her hands now.

"She was so funny, too. Like, everything she said was either really sarcastic or some crude comment," Jessa compliments.

"She made everyone feel so happy," Stella says, "but I guess no one returned the favor."

"It's nice to talk about her. Everyone we've been around always told us to stop when we would. And everyone always assumed things about her but they never knew her. I think you would have really liked her, Harry. I know she would've liked you," McKenna beams.

I know her, and I love her.

"She seemed lovely." I look up at the picture again.

A picture of Rae, Jessa, and Zoe standing against the white wall, catches my eye.
Jessa is supporting her arm on Rae's shoulder.
Zoe smiles off to the side.
Rae has her head slightly cocked and her cheeks are bright red.

"We got tipsy that night," Jessa says.

"Oh my God, that as such a mess!" Zoe shouts.

Ashlyn laughs, "they got tipsy off of my mom's wine coolers! That proves how low of a tolerance level Rae had. I mean, Zoe wasn't really tipsy but Jessa and Rae were stumbling everywhere."

I laugh lightly with them.

"I like talking about her when she was alive, not talking about her like we never knew her," McKenna comments.

I wish I knew what she was like when she was alive.

But they'll never know what shes like now that shes dead.
And I'll selfishly take that if it means knowing her at all.