Damaged

7 | cold

The next day Mr Clarke isn't in homeroom, and the teacher covering him says that he had a meeting to attend in this period. I don't mind his absence, yesterday's sleeplessness is making my eyelids heavy with fatigue. I put my earphones on and turn the music up loudly to try to wake myself up. I drum my fingers to the beat of the song and wait for the twenty minutes to pass.

I get up when the bell rings and head to chemistry class, already dreading the subject. I enter the classroom and immediately spot Selena in one of the tables. Fuck's sake. I even thought that i had been blessed to not have any classes with any of them this year, but i guess i was wrong.

She locks her eyes with mine and i observe as her lips slowly form a evil smirk. She pointedly looks at me and then grabs Hunter's face and start french kissing him ferociously, aware that I was watching her. I feel the need to gag at the sight, but continue looking at them with a bored expression on my face. Selena finally detaches herself from him and looks at me with her eyebrows arched up, as if defying me to do something about it.

I walk up to their table with my posture pin-straight and head held high. I place one of my hands on the table and then lean down a little bit.

"Oh honey, if you really think that sucking this mindless jock's face will affect me, you are seriously over-estimating both of your influences on me,"I say to her, done with being nice, and then lean down to whisper on her ear, "and fucking my left overs is really pathetic, even for you."

I watch as her glossed lips form an O and i leave the table feeling satisfied. Who the fuck does she thing she is, trying to make me jealous? As if i care about her or anyone in this place. I take my seat and watch as she turns around and scowls at me.

Oh yes, the bitch is back.

********

The day passes by uneventfully until lunch time, where i assume everyone already knows about the little scene caused by Selena and I because of the whispers surrounding me.

I sit down on my table by the edge of the lunchroom and I'm surprised when Ava joins me.

"Hey, mind if i sit?" She asks me.

"Sure, go on," I reply as she sits down in front of me and places her lunch tray down.

"I've heard about how you roasted that bitch in first period," Ava laughs and shakes her head, "Should have figured you're the only one who has the courage to do that."

"Why? Selena's just a spoiled brat."

"That may have been the case last year, but not anymore," She rolls her eyes at the mention of Selena, "people keep saying that, well, the bitch is the new you."

"God, this place sucks" I shake my head in disbelief at the need these people have for someone to look up to and gossip about.

"I know right," Ava twirls her long ginger hair into a messy bun.

"She'll never be the new 'me' or whatever, because i didn't try to be popular and shit intentionally, while Selena... Well, she'll go to extreme lengths to achieve recognition."

We eat our lunches in a comfortable silence as the cafeteria buzzes with noises from the other students. I check the time on my phone and curse, noticing the time.

"Shit, i've got to meet Mr. Clarke right now." I stand up and look at Ava, "I'm so sorry to leave like this but i'm so late."

She smiles at me, "don't worry babe, go! See you in history."

I return her smile and I walk through the lunchroom, going to the exit. I throw the rest of my food on the trash can and walk through the door and into the deserted corridor. I walk through the hallways and I feel my stomach flutter with butterflies as I near the classroom.

I knock on the door and I hear a muffled 'come in' from inside. I open the door knob and enter the classroom, where Mr. Clarke is seated on the desk. I clutch my binder to my chest and wait for him to say something.

"Sit down, Miss Crawford." He doesn't even look at me when he talks, instead concentrating on the computer in front of him. I feel my stomach immediately settle down and i frown at his coldness towards me.

He gets up and grabs a sheet from his desk, then comes towards my desk. He places it in front of me and I look at the paper, which has The Catcher On The Rye printed as the title with a whole bunch of questions underneath. I look at him, waiting for the explanation on what I should do as i clearly don't know how to answer the extensive questions.

"Here's a summary of the book," he hands me another sheet, "you can read through it and try to answer the questions. If you have any questions, you may ask me."

He returns to his desk without even a glance at me and I feel my stomach sink with the feeling of rejection. I don't even know why I thought he liked me anyways. A few glances? Come on, Luna!

I shake my head from my childish assumptions and try to focus on the text. I mean, I know men. They express much more than this when they're interested, but the fascinating look in his eyes made me think differently on the first day. I guess I've been out of the game for too long, or I'm just not appealing anymore. Who would want to be with a mutilated, fucked up girl anyways?

I feel my throat closing up involuntarily and the back of my eyes burning with unshed tears. The bell signaling the end of lunch period rings and I rush out of the classroom. I take a deep breath to calm myself down and I become angry instead.

I will not feel this way because of a man.

I enter the history classroom mad at myself, mad at Mr Clarke and with serious determination and a plan on my mind. I sit down on my desk and tap my nails on the wood impatiently. When Ava enters the classroom I look up and wait for her to sit down besides me.

"Let's go out tonight, we can go to the city and sleep at my apartment. You down?" I look at her expectantly. I will prove to myself that i'm still desired, alright. Fuck Mr Clarke.

She raises an eyebrow at my sudden outburst and then smiles, "Totally. Let's do it."