Call Me Ella (ft. Niall Horan)

Chapter 32 - Heartbreak

Chapter 32 - Heartbreak



I'm sure I did the right thing, I don't get second thoughts about that... except when I see Niall. I thought it was going to get easier, but it didn't. It's harder and every day I just want time to fly by so summer can be over and all this will be in the past.

He hasn't come to make me change my mind, as it would be the cheesy thing to do. He hasn't sent me flowers nor sung me a song to make me come back to him. He hasn't written me letters every day and he hasn't called me. Not even once. But we run into each other some times and in every occasion, his eyes bore into my soul, telling me all the things he doesn't say out loud. His eyes scream that I'm making a mistake and that I know it, that I should be with him. And I want to. I wish I could have both things, you know? My revenge against Rhonda and Niall, but I can't. And when I'm having doubts that I picked the wrong person, that I should go to Niall and ask him to forgive me for being such a hateful person, Rhonda comes and asks me if I've come to my senses and got back together with Niall. It's then when I remember I did the right thing, but it still hurts.

At night, when I'm falling asleep, I remember all the nights we spent together at the stables. Talking, laughing, sharing, getting to know each other better. Those lovely nights when it was only Niall and I. Nights in which I didn't remember I was trapped here, fighting Rhonda and what she did here. When I was with him I wasn't toilet girl, I wasn't Arabella Drennan the daughter of the former owner. I was just Ella. And I miss him; I miss our moments together. I miss him telling me about his friends, nagging me to finally meet the rest of his band. I miss his anecdotes from while on tour. I miss his cheeky remarks. I miss him so much.

Sometimes I see him walking around the centre, even when he hasn't spotted me and my heart aches, it aches like I didn't think it was possible. Like there's a hole in there, where my heart used to be. And I feel emptiness filling my veins. I feel longing when I see him and my hands want to raise and reach him, but I gave up on him. I tell myself that and I turn around, walking away from him.

The worst moment is the day before my contract expires. When summer begun I thought this was going to be the best day or at least the best week, but it's been the worst. Because one day before I'm free, Niall leaves the retreat centre and with him Harry, Louis and his girlfriend, Zayn and Liam also leave.

And with my bad luck, I happen to be around when they are leaving. I see them and the three band members I never got to meet look at me and I don't have to be a genius to know they don't like me. I see it in their eyes before they leave. Niall follows them and before crossing the doors he gives me one last look and I can't move. I should go and end this agony, but I stay there, looking back at him.

I feel that hole in my chest choking me, and it hurts so bad knowing that he's going and I won't see him again. He stops and we stare at each other and I don't know what happens to the rest of the world, but in that moment nothing else matters. I want to reach him, I want to say goodbye, but I can't utter a word.

"Goodbye, Ella," I see him mouthing. I can't hear him but I know he says that before he turns around.

"Goodbye, Niall," I whisper, the hole in my chest almost unbearable.

"Ella," someone else calls and only then I see Harry in front of me, looking at me with sad eyes. "I know it's your decision and I respect it but maybe... maybe once you're out of here. Maybe you should reconsider it," he suggests but I shake my head.

"It's better this way, Harry," I reply looking at him. "Goodbye, Moth Guy," I smile. Since I broke up with Niall, Harry and I didn't talk. I guess it was too awkward for us to speak.

"Goodbye, Toilet Girl. I hope I'll see you again," he says and surprising me, he hugs me and I don't think twice, I hug him back.

I doubt we'll see each other again but I don't tell him that, I just say goodbye and then watch him leave, still standing there, next to my cart on my way to clean their rooms. Rooms that now are empty. And that thought makes my chest ache even more, so much that I don't know how I'm breathing.

It's over, it's completely over. He left and I won't see him anymore. Tomorrow I'll be out of this place too and with Charlie I will settle in our apartment -a place that his parents gave to him when he graduated but we're going to live there together- and then get ready to start Uni. But Niall won't be part of my life, I won't sneak out at night to meet with him, I won't find things in his room that he left for me.

And the worst part is that I still keep those things, in a box of memories I can't dare to open but I can't dare to throw away either. My time with him was beautiful, even if it's hard to accept it's over now. Someday I'll look back and I'll only smile, I won't feel this hole in my chest anymore.

"It's such a pity they left. Probably the celebrities that stayed the longest," Rhonda speaks and I jerk when I hear her. I didn't notice she was around.

"Yeah, they stayed the whole summer. They go back to reality and their fans now," I reply still looking at the door for which they disappeared.

"They were coming for three weeks at the beginning, but then changed to three months after the Summer Ball. I wonder what made them change their minds..." Rhonda ponders and my heart skips a beat.

It can't be. No, I refuse to think it's because Niall and I... No. That can't be the reason. His friends wouldn't have just accepted and stayed with him just because he wanted to find a girl that ran away from him. Niall is not that crazy.

But again... he's the sappiest boy I've ever met. That's something he would do.

"It's such a pity you let that boy go. He was the perfect match for you, Arabella," Rhonda speaks again and I feel all my muscles tensing. "Such a pity."

I don't reply, I only clench my fists. I bet she wouldn't mind if it was Niall or any other, as long as I ended up with a celebrity and doing what she wanted.

"I'll always be your disappointment," I tell her with a smile, finally taking my eyes off the door and looking at her. She looks hurt as she stares at me.

"Don't say that, Arabella. I know your contract ends tomorrow but you can always come back here and maybe you'll meet another boy and everything will be alright," she suggests and I roll my eyes.

"I'm never coming back, Rhonda. And I won't date a celebrity because that's what you want."

She actually looks devastated because I refuse to follow what she thinks is the best path for me, so I ignore her and walk past her, pushing my cart as I get ready to clean rooms and toilets. But as I keep doing my chores, the angrier I get, the more I hate her. I loathe her so much for ruining my life because when I get to what once was Niall's room I find something that breaks my heart, it shatters it in a million pieces.

It's a note, a single note in his handwriting that I already know. A note he knew I would find.


Dear Ella:

It was the most special summer despite how it ended. I wish you the best in your life. I hope all your dreams come true. Work hard, you'll get far. And I hope you always remember me as something more than just one of the guests at the centre. I know I'll always remember you as my Cinderella, even if you hated that.

With Love, Niall

PS: I still owe you your birthday present. Maybe one day I'll give it to you.


I read it many times and I cry every time I do so, my heart breaking even more. I'll remember him, oh I'll always remember him not as one of the celebrities in the centre, not as one of the guests and not as my prince charming, because he was better than all that. I'll remember him as Niall, the first boy I fell in love with.

My best mistake.

Because it was a mistake to fall for him and with that to fall in Rhonda's game, but I don't regret a single moment we spent together, even if it had to end when I realised the extent of my actions, the real meaning behind being with him.

He was my best mistake. And I'll miss him so much and for so long. I just know that.

And that's why I'm so furious with Rhonda, because she ruined Niall for me, because she showed me he was just a piece in her game, just as I was. I could escape from her game, but Niall couldn't because he couldn't stop being a celebrity. By leaving the retreat centre he doesn't quit Rhonda's game, he'll always be a great catch for any of her daughters and even her stepdaughter.

By the end of the day I have two options: One I can go to Rhonda and kill her for all what she did to me. Or two, I can go to the stables, to Ares, and ride until I can't think of anything else.

As only the second option keeps me away from jail I go for that one although it hurts to go to the stables, as that was Niall and I's place. I still go, because I need Ares. I need him so much right now or I'll end up killing Rhonda and it's pointless when I just have one day left.

Ares snorts to greet me when I walk in and I've missed him so much. I haven't come here since that day I broke up with Niall and I know he's missed me, too. The only thing I feel bad for leaving this place, and the only reason I would ever come back is for the horses. I'll miss them all.

"Hi, pretty boy," I greet, pressing my forehead against his. "Let's go for a ride? I need some air."

Ares replies with a snort and I tack him up quickly so we can go out once and for all. I start with an easy trot just to warm up but soon we're running, as fast as we can, not really seeing where we are going, just running. The wind blowing my hair, the little twigs hitting my face as we run through the trees... all those things keep my mind in blank and it's such a relief. I've been thinking so much lately, fighting my feelings and guilt. Fighting my anger. Fighting, always fighting. But it'll be over. It'll soon be over. The war will be over and I'll be able to rest and start to live my life.

I don't realise where I am until we come across the pond, that large pond that I visited before with Niall. It's so beautiful at night, with the moon shining big and bright above, making the stars look so little and insignificant. I see the moon reflected on the water and I smile, warmed at such a lovely view.

Then I see her. A girl, swimming at this time of the night. She's oblivious to my presence, I know it. She just seems so... so graceful in the water, like that's the place where she belongs. She swims like a mermaid in the ocean and it's so beautiful seeing her. I'm impressed to see legs when she raises them above the surface of the water. I actually believed she was a mermaid.

I don't know who she is, I only notice the blood red hair shining under the moonlight as I hear giggles across the pond.

She's so happy there, so free in the water. Free, like I've never felt.

But soon I will... I'll be free.

Soon I'll be like her, not in the water, but outside in the world, in Oxford. I'll be giggling because I'm just happy, because I'm doing what I want. I'll be like that girl in the lake, swimming like a little mermaid.

"You're so lucky," I whisper as I keep watching her swim and I don't think she hears me, but she turns around and her eyes meet mine and I see her shocked expression, her fear and I don't blame her, I'm just a stranger on her property. So I bow my head and make Ares walk backwards, away from her, away from the lake and back to my reality, to my last night in the centre.

"I'll be free, I'll be free," I chant to myself, keeping the image of the girl in my mind, just to give me strength to finish here and set myself free.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @ItzMeAllison I always liked Mulan and Belle best for being strong and doing what they thought best, and I always thought Cinderella was a weak character, so that's why I made Ella, that's the real twist I gave it to the fairy tale.

Bel, xx