Last Night: Taking Chances

Chapter 11

Taylor stood there, frozen. Unsure of what had just happened. Unsure of where she and Daniel stood. Unsure of what she should do. She felt as if her entire world had just crumbled underneath her and the pressure of the emotions crushed her.  Forcing her to the ground.  Everything around her seemed to disappear as her inner turmoil overwhelmed her, threatening to crush her beneath all the emotions she felt swirling within her.

Was this it? Was this what having a broken heart felt like? Is this what he was feeling right now? Did he think she didn't love him? He had to know that wasn't true! She wanted to be with him just not married, not yet. It was too soon. Getting married at 18 was insane, wasn't it? Wasn't it! She felt like shit. She never wanted to hurt him but she wasn't ready. Why couldn't he understand that? 

Taylor's cheeks felt cold and when she touched them she found that they were still wet. She never cried in public and definitely not at parties. She's a strong black woman.  But right now all she wanted was for Daniel to come back and hold her, to tell her every thing would be alright between them. She wanted him to come back and tell her that there was still a "them".  How the fuck could he leave her in the middle of such an emotional conversation!?  Taylor let out a ragged breath and curled into herself.  Fine! If he was going to leave her here then this is where she'd stay to rot because all she seemed to do was hurt people, she even managed to hurt the one man she really loved.

I truly fucked up this time....fuck! She yelled in her head.

Sobs racked through her body making her tremble. She was so lost in her world of sorrow that she didn't hear Tiara come in.  

"Tay?" Tiara spoke softly as she peeked her head around the door. The only answer was another ragged sob. Pinpointing the source, Tiara rushed over.

A small hand, appeared on Taylor's shoulders jolting her from her emotional fog. 

"Tay, talk to me." Tiara said in a soothing voice. 

"D... D... Daniel!" Taylor sobbed. 

Tiara grimaced as she helped Taylor sit up. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and let out a breath, "Okay, tell me what happened."

Taylor went on to explain the situation.

                                                                      ...

"I really fucked up Ti, but I feel my reasons are valid. Why doesn't he understand?" Taylor asked as she ended her story, looking at Tiara through watery eyes. 

Tiara shrugged, "You're right you did fuck up."

Taylor looked at her in shock, "How can you take his side?!" 

Tiara let out a sigh, "Look Taylor, I get where he's coming from. He's probably really hurt and confused right now. I mean, the man offered you his heart and all you said was that you'd be missing out on experiences. Most girls would kill for a guy who loves them as much as Daniel loves you."

"I know but what if...." Tiara cut her off.

"No 'what ifs', Tay. This is simple. I know that you're both young but everything in life is only as complicated as you make it. He asked you to marry him, he didn't ask you to marry him tomorrow. He asked you to make a commitment and you essentially told him that you couldn't. I think, in the end, he just really wanted to know that you weren't just going to give up on him and the relationship because of a little distance. At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing; can you picture your life without him?" Tiara explained softly as she looked at her friend.

Taylor stopped and thought about the future and all her goals.

I never planned for this, I mean could I fit him in? Him going to another college in another state? But, Daniel definitely would be a skype call away every night or anytime I needed him really. But what about Graduation? Yeah, he'd probably be in the front row, cheering the loudest.  Med school? Well by then we'd definitely have to be in the same place, sitting on the floor with me every night going through flash cards. And kids? Damn they'd have his eyes.

Taylor sniffled, "No, Titi. I love him, like really love him. I want him with me through everything, I guess I felt it was happening at once somehow and I got scared. I want my life to be an adventure and through everything I can't see myself without him. I want to experience it all with him." She said this as she placed her hand over her tattoo she got with Daniel, representing their adventures together. She smiled at the thought.

"Does he know that you love him?" Tiara asked.

"Yeah..." She trailed off as her earlier fear rose up again, does he? 

"Have you told him?" Tiara pushed.

"Yes! I said it when I turned him down. I've told him lots of times before that, but maybe that wasn't enough, or now he thinks I never meant it. Maybe I don't tell him often enough. He told me he thought this whole thing was one sided. Ti, what if he thinks I don't want to be with him anymore? What if he thinks that everything was a lie?!" Taylor rushed out distressed, searching Tiara's eyes and on the verge of tears once more. 

"Girl, breathe! Okay, we really don't have time for you to be falling apart again. So he knows you love him and he just needs a little reminder okay? He's probably doubting himself because you crushed his heart just now," Tiara explained.

"Tiara!"

"I'm just saying!" Tiara exclaimed while lifting her hands in a defensive position.

"What do I do now?" Taylor asked.

"You pick your ass up, fix your face and you go get your man! You two just need to talk and I'm sure he's cooled down by now. He will forgive you okay? He will listen and if he doesn't want to, you'll make him listen. He put himself out there for you and now you're about to do the same."

"But-but what if you're wrong and I fucked it all up? What if I'm too late?" Taylor whispered brokenly.

Tiara smiled at her friend softly before pulling her into a hug,"Trust me honey, I'm not wrong. He wanted to marry you like, 15 minutes ago, he'll forgive you and lucky for you, I know exactly where your man is right now."