Free Me...

Trapped

He inched closer to her. He was conflicted. He really couldn't help himself, but deep down he still had rising reservations that maybe it was too soon to be chasing this girl. He heard her hitch her breath as their hands brushed. Ah what the heck! Live a little Kyle! he finally thought as he grabbed her hand. 

The warmth was immediate. His hand was big, strong and yet gentle enough that she almost sighed with how her hand just fit in his. Her eyes widened though. Too surprised to even know what to do. How should she react? It was so sudden that she was caught off guard. She peeked up at him. He was staring into the fire, almost as if playing the whole thing off very cool. As if he wasn't trying to make too much of it. 

You're making too much of this Soph! Just chill. But she couldn't. She'd only known this man for two weeks. Why would he do this? Why would he hold her hand? What did he want from her? As her mind went into overdrive, her fears from the disaster that was her previous relationship surfaced rapidly. Her mind jumped forward way too far, stopping her from enjoying the moment, whatever that moment meant right then. She couldn't relax. Rather she became stiff. 

She began to search for a way out of the sudden awkwardness she was feeling, while trying to school her face to not show it. He certainly didn't seem fazed in the slightest. She remembered the salads! "Hey, listen, could I ask you a favour? Could you just keep an eye on the fires for me please? I need to go get the salads inside."

Kyle glanced at the fires. "Okay. But I don't mind helping you with the salads."

She laughed nervously. "No really I can manage. Em already said she'd help. Some of these guys are braai monsters. I need someone to control the hoards and that's you mister!" She poked him on his chest. I should not have done that! It was too familiar and it made her realise all over again how built this guy was. She carefully removed her hand from his, backtracking to Emily as quick as she could. It wasn't smooth but she needed to think, to clear her head. Her fear had her panicking. 

She stumbled the last step to Em. Luke and Em seemed to be really caught up talking to each other. Any other time she would have felt bad disturbing Em's moment, but this was an emergency moment that required  the intervention of her bestie! "Hey Em. I'm sorry to interrupt!" She was speaking quickly. Her words almost tumbling over themselves. Em's eyebrows raised up. Soph only did this when something was up. When she was really nervous about something. "It's that time. We need to go get the salads." Immediately Em knew her friend needed her. 

Em turned to Luke who was looking a little confused at the situation. "Hey Luke, I'm just gonna go help Soph with the salads. There's quite a few." Luke looked ready to get up as if he was about to offer his help. Em jumped in quickly. "Why don't you go keep Kyle company?" She smiled sweetly trying to pass off the whole thing lightly. Luke glanced at Kyle and then agreed. 

Soph grabbed Em's arm and started walking through the dimming light towards the entrance to her house. They headed through the gate towards the doors that led out towards the beach side of the house. As soon as they were out of ear shot, Em stopped her friend, who she thought was on the verge of hyperventilating. "Soph. Soph! What's up? What happened? You look like you just saw a ghost or something!"

Soph puffed her cheeks and breathed out heavily. "Kyle!" she said. 

"What about Kyle?" Em looked really concerned now. "Did he do something to you? I saw you guys were over by the fire."

"Yeah. We were. He...he kinda..."

"He kinda what Soph?"

"He kinda held my hand!" Soph's brows furrowed like she was really worried. 

Em let go the breath she was holding and smiled. "Is that all? Soph, really? You're this worked up because he held your hand?" Soph just nodded biting her lip looking sheepishly up to her friend. Em took a step towards her friend and held her shoulders. "Soph, I know you're scared. I get that. And after Jase lied to you, I can only imagine how that must have set you off again on top of everything that happened last year. But Soph, you can't stay there. You have to move on. Yes be sensible. Yes be careful. But he didn't declare his undying love and ask you for forever or something!"

"That's just it!" Soph stomped her foot. "I don't want to hold hands or kiss or get to know anyone without knowing what they really mean by it. I know I can't pretend I'm living in the 18th century or something and expect a guy to declare himself after just a few days or whatever, but I don't want to be strung along again, and open my heart and then be hurt so badly again."

"Oh Soph." Her friend hugged her. "I get it. I do. Really. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with, but at the same time, don't give up on the chance to find something really beautiful with someone in time just because you're still trapped in your fears. Every journey begins with a single step my friend." 

Soph sighed, looked up at her friend with trembling eyes and nodded. "You're right," she said softly. "Even getting to know Jase. I was excited about that but there were moments even then that I felt like I was walking over the edge of a cliff not knowing if there would be another ledge to stand on."

"Soph, I don't want to sound trite, but you do have a ledge. God is always there for you. He will never let you go. He knows what he has planned for you. All you can do is try follow Him as best you can and trust that He will bring it to pass. Trust him each time you take a step of faith."

"Em, you're the best. You're so right! Thank you!" Tears were now falling. "Darn, I'm going to have to fix my mascara!" she laughed lightly. 

"Come on. Let's go fix it up and get those salads out there! The hungry hoards will be waiting!" she giggled, turning her friend to the kitchen. 

***