Letters to Wyatt✔️

31

March 22, 2016.

Dear Wyatt,

This is it. I am not moping around anymore. I am going to be happy.

At this point, my ache for some semblance of a normal existence is almost as strong as my ache for you. I know it's cliche, but I've merely existed for so long now. Spending my time pining after you is getting me nowhere. I want to live. 

Maybe it's my therapy speaking, or maybe it's something I've known all along but prevented myself from admitting, but holding on to all this sadness and heartbreak over you is holding me back. I will never find true happiness if I continue to allow the pain to overtake me like I have for months. In order to be happy, I need to let the pain go.

Part of me feels guilty that I'm going to try to let some of the pain go. It's like if I don't force myself to be sad and broken over you, then I'm forgetting you, and I don't want to do that.

I told this to my therapist, and she assured me that I can forget the pain of losing you without forgetting you. I don't know if that is true, but I desperately need it to be. This is all I have left.

I have to believe that first and foremost, you would have wanted to be with me, but if you couldn't, you would still want me to do what it took to be happy. I have to believe that and keep telling myself that. It's the only thing that removes some of the guilt I have over this and makes the thought of moving on bearable.

But I still love you. Even if I'm giving happiness an attempt. I hope you know that, wherever you are.

Savannah

A/N: Sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I've had a really hard time getting in a head space that was conducive to writing, but there are more updates that will be coming shortly.

Thank you for reading!! Please vote, comment, and follow if you enjoyed.