Miss Moving On

Epilogue

My heart was beating soo fast na halos hindi ko na maintindi ang sinabi nya. My hands started trembling. F*ck! Ano ba tong nararamdaman ko?

 

"Panget, diba, sabi ko sayo kapag di nagwork out, we'll just settle things out?" sabi nya habang nakatingin sakin. I slowly nodded. Hindi ko na rin kasi alam kung paano sya kakausapin.

 

"And Im glad that we work out." he smiled at me. Nginitian ko na lang rin sya. "But...."

 

I guess, lahat talaga ng bagay may katapusan. Yung iba, napaghahandaan. But not me. I did not even saw this thing coming. Not until he started talking. I suddenly wanted to cry. But, no tears are falling from my eyes. I suddenly questioned myself. What is this? I am supposed to be crying now and then Im not. But the heck! I cant get mad at him. Kasi alam ko naman na in the first place, trip trip lang tong amin. I think I was just a fool to believe na totohanan na to sa kanya. Na mahal din nya ako like how I like love him. That he feels the same way like I do. But truth hurts at di ganon ang mundo. Life is really ironic. Nahuhulog tayo sa mga taong hindi naman tayong saluhin. The worst part of it is that, kahit alam nating hindi nila tayo sasaluhin, we still took the risk. Umaasa na baka bukas, magbabago din ang nararamdaman nila.

 

"But...this is just too much. Are you seeing someone Cas?" I bravely asked. I saw a glimpse of sadness in his face. Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko. "I'm sorry." I prevented myself from crying. I just smiled at him.

 

"Ok lang. I understand. Besides, napag usapan na natin to one time diba?" he nodded. "Tsaka, I think I like Jayden." I bit my lips. So much for lying Ai. I saw he was shocked.

 

"Kelan pa?" bigla nyang tanong.

 

"I dont know. Alam mo naman ang love, dumadating ng di mo nakikita." sabi ko.

 

He smiled at me. "Im happy for you. Pero, ikaw pa rin ang panget ko ha? Whatever happens. You will always be my panget." sabi nya. Tumayo kaming dalawa. He then hugged me. So much for a farewell right?

 

So, the night still went as normal as it could be. We had our dinner. We still laugh like hindi kami nag break. I guess that's what hurts more. Pretending your okay even if deep inside, you're dying. Still, binigay ko pa din ang regalo ko sa kanya. A bracelet. And he gave me a ticket for two para sa concert ni Taylor Swift. SVIP pa. I suddenly wanted to laugh. Makikipag break sya ngayong gabi tapos reregaluhan ako ng ticket for two. Malamang lamang naman ay sya ang kasama ko sa concert na iyon.

 

"CR lang ako." paalam ko. I immediately went to find where that is. Nang mahanap ko iyon ay agad akong pumasok sa loob deretso sa isang cubicle. Sinaraduhan ko yun at sumandal sa pintuan. The I started crying.

 

The pain is just to much to bear. I just feel going to the bathroom and the next thing I know is that...I am crying. Horifically. Nakakainis kasi kahit ilang beses kong punasan ang luha ko ay hindi ko to mapigilan. It just hurts. It hurts than it pains me so much.

 

Nag vibrate ang phone ko at tiningnan kung sino iyon. Casper. I smiled bitterly. Sandali lang ako nawala eh nag alala na agad sya. Thats one of the reasom why its not hard to fall for him. And the thing that hurts the moat is that, I have nothing to be angry about. Pumayag ako sa gusto nya. Little did I realize na anytime, hawak nya ang relasyon namin. He can break up with me anytime that he wants or even at any place. I am inlove with him but he never love me. Naging totoo lang naman sya sa sarili nya. And I cant blame him for that. Funny because I have to tell him that Im inlove too para lang mapaniwala ko sya na di ako nasasaktan. But f*ck! Ang sakit sakit. Sa sobrang sakit, halos makalimutan ko na kung bakit pa ako nagpakatanga sa kanya. Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang ako nakontento sa bestfriend lang? Bakit ba naman kasi umaasa ako na merong something? Merong kahit na kaunting mutual feelings. I fall inlive with him but he never did. Sino ba ang dapat kong sisihin? Not him ofcourse. Should I blame myself then? Ugh. F*ck. Bakit kailangan pang masaktan pag nagmamahak ka. And yeah. I am heartbroken.