Chapter 8| Just for tonight

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I'm supposed to be at home studying for my first psychology test.

I'm supposed to be at home finishing up my reading assignment for English.

I'm supposed to be at home where it's quiet, where I won't be disturbed by sweaty drunk people but instead I'm at Jodie Lamas' house asking myself why am I at Jodie Lamas' house.

I knew this would eventually happen. This whole vow I made to myself over the summer to be a good student and keep up with my school work so I can make my dad a proud Papa was a big fat joke and I was an idiot to ever think that I was ever going to keep that vow. I've been overwrought this whole week. My days were spent obsessing either over Adam or spewing hatred on my dad's new girlfriend, whom I've officially met and hate.

On the inside I feel like a total failure. I couldn't keep one single promise to myself. What does that say about me?

"You're such a badass!" Chris shouts after I shove this guy who was gyrating his crotch in front of me.

Jodie's house is filled with people. There's a Katy Perry song playing and this guy that I'm 99.999 percent sure is in my world history class is dancing to it shirtless while performing a wild solo. I'm trying to be inconspicuous as Chris and I wade through the crowed but of course that's not possible when one the drunkest party goers is your best friend.

"Stassi, Chris!" Callie calls us over to the corner where she's barely standing with a bottle in her hand.

I want to pretend that I don't know her but she's hollering my name at the top of her wasted lungs plus Jared Barnes is standing next to her, staring at her with lustful eyes waiting for the right opportunity to lunge his scrawny self at her.

"Oh, my God, Callie we've only been here for an hour and you're already shit-faced." Chris says grabbing the bottle from her hand.

"I'm not drunk," she slurs then staggers backward. I immediately run up behind her so she won't fall. "Whoa, the room is spinning out of control, guys."

"Callie, the room is not spinning, you're drunk." I say to her.

She turns around to face me, a sly smirk spread across her lips. "I'm not dru__." She stops, her face freezes in time and the rest of the words are caught in her throat. Her neck moves back a bit and that's when it starts, the disgusting gagging sound.

"She's gonna hurl," Jared announces.

"No shit, Sherlock." I say shoving him to the side. "Callie can you cover your mouth please?"

I don't want her to throw up all over the Lamas' perfect hardwood floor. Jodie runs her mouth like a motorboat. If Callie pukes in her house we'll never hear the end up it.

"Come on, Callie, let's go to the bathroom." Chris says leading her out of the crowded room.

As I follow behind them, Chris stops me and tells me to stay behind and enjoy myself. Enjoy myself? Like that's even a possibility. I can't enjoy myself when all I can think about is Adam. Worrying whether or not he's here or if he's coming and if he does will that fake bitch be with him. This party was supposed to help me suppress my emotions but instead it's making things worse.

"Have a drink or something." Chris says.

He's giving me permission to drink. That's huge coming from Chris. He's never made us feel bad for drinking around him but I'm always super conscious drinking when he's around because I don't want to insult his fight. He looks at me as the better one between Callie and I, making me feel like the responsible one when I don't want to be.

"Fine," I say agreeing to stay behind.

Now I'm alone, miserable and sober. I make my way to the kitchen a.k.a the alcohol station. I grab a bottle of Smirnoff vodka and pour myself a huge cup. I lift the red plastic cup to my lips; the first taste is sweet like when you kiss a guy you really like, you want to do it over and over again until you get lost in it. Before I know it I'm pouring myself another cup and another and another. I know better than to drink on an empty stomach but I can't stop.

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