Lights down low ×kristella

To abort or not to abort

And when the road gets kinda rough

She keeps one thing in mind

The longest journey always starts with one step at a time

And this girl's seen a lot of pain

But this girl's gonna smile again

She knows that a flower grows every time it rains

And this girl's got a lot of dreams

She knows that tomorrow's ain't what it seems

She might not solve a mystery tonight

But this girl's gonna be alright

-This girl Nikki Flores

A few weeks later...

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Kristen felt nauseous as she stepped inside the planned parenthood clinic. She knew deep down this was the best thing. She had not even told Robert that she was pregnant and here she was aborting his baby. She grasped Stella's hand tightly in hers.

Kristen had insisted that Stella stayed home but the stubborn woman had told her she was going to be with her every step of the way.

"How may I help you today?" The receptionist asked

Kristen removed her sunglasses before she spoke. "Yes, I have a 1:30 appointment for" she paused. "Abortion." The last word made her shiver.

The lady nodded her head in response before speaking again.

"Name?"

"Can we use fake names right?"

"Yes, you can use a fictitious name for your file."

"um," Kristen thought for a moment. "Bella, Bella Stewart." Stella looked at her and laughed a little causing Kristen to shake her head. "What? its good for just coming up with it and if it wasn't for Bella, I probably wouldn't be knocked up right now."

"Date of birth?"

"4-9-1990"

"You are all checked in, we will take you right to a room ma'am."

When they got into the room and the door closed Kristen buried her face in her hands. She was having seconds thoughts. She knew once she did this there was no going back and she was depriving Rob of his child, a child he Didn't even know about. But maybe it was for the best.

She laughed at how when they were together, they wanted kids. They had talked about it and tried to get pregnant. They had managed once to get pregnant but about 9 weeks into the pregnancy she miscarried. But now she was getting rid of their child, her and Roberts. The thought made her sick to her stomach but it was for the best....or so she thought.

Part of everything was a mandatory ultrasound that Kristen was not aware of. "To make sure you aren't farther along" they had told her. Carefully she lifted her shirt up, the silence of the room was deafening as she watched Stella type away on her phone. All the sudden the room was filled with a familiar sound.

Thump thump thump

The soft sound filled the room catching Kristen off guard. It was faster than she last remembered it. She turned to the screen seeing an outline of a tiny blob on the screen. That was her blob, her and Rob's. It had a heartbeat, it was alive.

She felt a pang of hurt in her chest as her eyes filled with tears and bile rose in her throat. She knew she couldn't go through with it. she knew this was wrong.

"No, no, no I can't do this."

"Kris, what's wrong?" Stella asked her as she shoved her phone into her pocket and took her girlfriend's hand In hers.

"I can't do this, I can't kill something so perfect" Kristen cried turning back to the screen. "I thought I could do this...I thought I was strong enough."

"You don't have to sweetheart."

"Are you sure?" The nurse asked her.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'm sorry." She got up off the table and quickly wiped herself off. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. She didn't even wait around before shoving her sunglasses on and running out of the room.

Stella thanked the nurse before going to find her girlfriend. Kristen was in the bathroom shaking as she sat on the floor with her knees drawn up against her chest. She was in the middle of a panic attack.

"Kristen?" Stella's voice traveled to the bathroom. She decided to check there after she noticed Kristen wasn't in the car. the sound of soft sobbing filled her ears and she followed the sound until she found her girlfriend. Kristen was breathing heavily gasping for air, once Kristen saw her girlfriend she launched herself at her, clinging to her like her life depended on it.

"Shh, it's ok Kris." Stella soothed as she ran her hand up and down Kristen's back.

"I was about to kill it" she sobbed.

"But you didn't and that's what matters and can I let you in on a little secret?"

"What?"

"I knew you weren't going to be able to go through with it. But I needed to let you figure it out for yourself. now let's go home." Stella kept her hold on Kristen and helped her get her sunglasses on before walking out of the hospital.