Protecting Cecilia

Just want to end the pain

song: You'll be okay by Michael Schulte

When I wake up, he is gone. I'm sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I look down at the floor and the blade is nowhere in sight. My arm in wrapped up in a towel and the blood wiped up from the floor. I'm pretty sure I did not clean it up.

My body aches all over from the beating and it takes everything in me to crawl over to the door. It is still locked so I know no one came in here. I reach over to grab my long sleeve shirt and painfully pull it over my head and down my worn back.

I open the door as quietly as possible and make my way to the bathroom, holding on to the wall for extra support. On my way back out my mom is standing in my bedroom doorway.

"What did you do this time?" she asks as if she really even gives a shit. She has watched him beat me several times and just turns her head as if nothing is happening. I don't think she gets involved because the one time that she did he turned and beat the shit out of her.

I don't even make eye contact with her. "Nothing, does it even matter?"

"Cecilia, why do you always push him to the limit? Can't you just do what he tells you to do for once?" She pushes past me to walk into the kitchen.

I go into my room and shut the door. Do what he tells me to, what a joke. I could wait on that man hand and foot, do everything to a 't' and he would still find something, a reason to beat the shit out of me. It's like he gets off on being superior beating on his wife and daughter like they are peasants in his kingdom.

I stay in my room the rest of the day and no one bothers me, thank goodness.

I drift off to sleep and when I wake up its dark in my room. I look around and nothing is there, only the thin stream of light coming in from the moon.

I'm pretty sure it was just my imagination last night; no way I seen a boy in my room. But where would the blade have gone too. I start talking out loud...into thin air.

"Are you the boy who use to live here?"

"Show yourself to me...I won't scream this time I promise."

Nothing....

"So where is my razor...I know you took it. I want it back."

Nothing....

"What do you care if I die or not...no one else gives a shit?"

A tear streams down my face. In the moment I feel so hopeless and now I feel like I am losing it...hello I'm talking to myself.

"It's true you know...no one has ever cared or loved me. I'm just a burden to everyone's life. No one would even notice if I didn't go back to school."

"Fine you know what maybe I will just kill myself another way it's not like I have to have the razor."

I open up my bedroom window and climb out, falling to the ground. I grit my teeth in pain because my back is still super sore. I don't have to look at it to know that the bruises are deep. I make myself stand up and I walk away.

There is this water tower downtown. It's big with the words, "Welcome to Everglade." In dark black letters. I hold on to the cold metal ladder almost freezing my fingers but it feels good against my hands. I climb up to the very top where the air is chilly and blowing just enough through my hair. A chill runs through my body shivering me to the bone. I walk over to the edge and look down to the bottom.

I wonder if I jump, would I really die or would I mess myself up so bad that I would be like him in a coma. Knowing my luck I will only break a few bones and live...survive to live another beating.

"Don't do it!" His voice sad...sad for me. I turn slowly and he is sitting there with his back against the water tower.

"Are you following me now?" I ask him... "Besides why do care anyway?"

"I don't know...but you're right you won't die from it, so do it."

I look down again all the way to the bottom. What if he is right? I know he is right I wouldn't die.

"Who are you?" I ask him, even though I have a good idea who he is.

"Does it matter who I am, I'm dead if you haven't noticed."

"I just want to know who I am talking too because I don't know if this is really real or your just a figment of my imagination."

"I understand. I'm Weston. Weston Fleming."

"Hi, I'm Cecilia." I sit down beside him. "So why are you here?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm supposed to be here to protect you from hurting yourself. Maybe I have to do a good deed to leave this place for good; I don't know."

"Protect me..uh." I laugh. "I'm a lost cause."

"No you're not, you shouldn't talk that way."

"You act like you know me. Give me a break you have no clue how my life is."

"True, I don't know you. But I know you are more than what you think. I have been watching you for a while now and I know your life is not the greatest but there is no reason to keep hurting yourself."

"That's creepy...you watching me."

"Well just since the night you cut yourself in my bathroom..well use to be my bathroom. I've been following you because I'm trying to figure out why I am here and what am I suppose to do."

"Following me?"

"I know, I'm sorry..alright I know it's wrong."

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything...my friends for one; they are jerks. I never thought they would be like that towards anyone."

"You were at the party?"

"Yes, I woke you up so Blake would get off of you."

"What?"

"You were out of it. I was there yelling for you to wake up. No one should have to do something that they don't want to do and no one should be taken advantage of while there are wasted."

"Well he was taking advantage of me."

"I know but he did go farther, thank god."

"So you also watched my father beat me and you couldn't stop him."

"No, I didn't see it. I stuck around at the party just to watch them. I wanted them to see me but thankfully they couldn't because the things I said we would all have ended up in a fight."

"But you were there to see me cut my arm."

"Yes...and I stopped you."

"You can't stop me from hurting myself."

"Cecilia if that is what I am here for then that's what I will do. Besides you are so much better than this."

"You don't know me." I go to stand up and walk back over to the edge. The wind touches my tears and dries them on contact.

He stands up and walks over to me and I can feel him against my skin. "No I don't know you but I want to get to know you."

"Why?" I turn to look at him.

"Look can you just be my friend for now. I don't have anyone any more...please come back and sit with me."

There is sadness in his eyes and now a part of my feels guilty. I turn and go back to sit down with my back against the tower. We stay there for a long while before walking back to my house. I climb into the window and he watches me from the outside.

"Can you stay with me?" I ask him.

He comes into the window and as I lay down on the cold floor he lies beside me and we face each other not saying a word.