Protecting Cecilia

Broken Girl

Song: Broken Girl by Matthew West

I'm startled awake at five in the morning by a foot kicking me in my back. It's too freaking early for this shit and I'm not thinking when the words fly out of my mouth. "What the hell!"

"What the hell is this?" He holds the rose in front of my face almost touching my nose.

I grumble, "A rose what does it look like."

"Looks like someone wants to be a smartass if you ask me. Who gave you a rose? Who you giving it out to?" He crumbles the rose with one hand and tosses it in my face.

I sit up. "No one..It's just a rose they gave out at school everyone got one."

"You're lying to me...no one would just give you a rose Cecilia do you think that I'm that stupid?" He grabs a hold of my hair pulling me so close to his face that I can smell the stale beer left from last night on his breath that I almost gag. "Well do you dammit?"

"No daddy, I don't."

"Get your ass up, I'm hungry." He continues to pull me by my hair until I am standing next to him. He drags me to the kitchen. I stand by the stove as he opens the fridge and throws the package of bacon at me. Thankfully I caught it. Then he starts tossing eggs in my direction. I caught two of them but dropped the other two. They go crashing onto the floor spilling out the slimy yokes.

"Seriously can't you do anything; how hard is it to catch a fucking egg."

It's too early in the morning for this crap. I have a hard time thinking much less focusing on catching an egg...wait make that four eggs that come flying at my face. I don't say anything as I bend down to open the cabinet to pull out the skillet to start cooking. There is exactly six slices of bacon, three for both of them and now two eggs since I dropped the other two..Nothing for me of course. I will probably just wait and eat breakfast at school, thankfully it is free. I'm trying so hard to ignore him; I just want to do this then go get ready for school.

"Are you just going to leave that mess on the floor?"

"No sir...I was going to clean it up give me time." I barely get out before he yells at me again.

"Do it now dammit."

I don't know what pissed him off this morning and I don't dare ask. I am down on my knees when the beer bottle comes crashing down beside me shattering to pieces.

"Pick that shit up while you're at it." He sneers.

I stand to get the broom but he snatches it away from me. "With your hands...come on you can do it. You're not afraid of cutting yourself now are you?"

I know in that moment that he knows that I have done it before, cutting myself that is. I don't know how he knows but he does. I can feel the sting of tears forming in my eyes as I get back down on my knees to pick of the broken pieces of glass.

I hear him laugh as he is bending down towards me. "You think I didn't know about that; I know everything that goes on in this house." He comes closer to me pulling up my sleeve to reveal my secret. "You're so pathetic and weak...you're just looking for attention."

He picks up a sharp piece of the broken bottle and hands it to me. "If you plan on killing yourself you should at least do it right."

Thoughts flood my mind. He is right I'm chicken shit. A part of me is scared to die. Maybe I should just do it. I take the piece of glass from him and hold it tight. I can almost feel it cutting into my hand. I'm contemplating on just doing it deep and fast let this pain leave me for good.

Then there is Weston down on his knees beside me. He is so close that his knee is touching mine and I can feel him. His hand covers the sharp piece of glass, even though I can still see it through his hand. He forces me to look into his eyes. "Don't do it. Don't listen to him. He doesn't care about you....but I do."

My hand shakes violently. I want to do it. My dad is right I am weak, pathetic, and worthless. I look into Weston's eyes and he sees me. He knows what I am thinking.

"Throw the glass away Cecilia, please I am begging you...I ...I....love you dammit. Don't you dare leave me I need you."

My head is throbbing and tears stream down my face. I look at my dad he is waiting on me to do it. I look at Weston who is begging me not to do it. I hold the glass so tight that it is cutting into my hand but I finally get up the courage and throw it away.

"Exactly what I thought," is all he says. He reaches in the fridge for another beer as I clean up the rest of the mess. I finish cooking breakfast and set everything on two plates. I turn to tell him it's done when his hand comes around my neck slamming me into the fridge knocking off a few of the magnets. Do you have any idea what it's like to be deprived of oxygen? I do for that split second that the air escapes my body. I don't bother fighting against him as I let my body go numb. I stare into his eyes begging him to finish me off. Just as my body starts panic mode from the lack of oxygen there is a loud knock on the front door.

He hears it too and he lets me go laughing. "Another day." He walks off and I fall to the floor gasping for air. I hear him walk to the front door, opening it then shutting it, cussing under his breath because no one was there. I hear his footsteps coming back closer to me. I watch as he grabs the plates and goes back to their room shaking his head at me.

I'm still gasping for air when Weston kneels beside me. "I got to get you out of here. I don't know how but I will find a way." His hand is rubbing my face trying to wipe the tears away.

I had planned on staying home today. I now have several cuts on my fingers from the broken bottle. This would be hard to explain. I can feel the bruises forming around my neck and I don't know how to hide that from everyone. However Weston wants me to leave the house. As I get dressed he comes back holding a scarf. "Here you can wrap this around it." I know what he is talking about he doesn't have to say anything else.

When the bus comes we both get on. He sits beside me the whole way holding my hand. At school he goes to all my classes and he watches over me.

There were a few smart ass comments about me and even though others can't see him he comes back with something funny to make me smile. He even trips Blake for the fun of it causing him to crash into another desk nearly breaking his neck. I try so hard not to laugh out loud.

Lunch rolls around and I take a boxed salad to the theater. It's just the two of us in there so I feel that it's alright to talk to him now. We are laughing when Mrs. Banks walks over to us...to me.

"Cecilia is everything ok?" she asks me.

"Yes ma'am, why?"

"Honey you are talking to yourself and you seems amused by something." She looks around and behind the chairs just to be sure that I am alone.

Weston bursts out laughing which causes me to laugh.

"I'm sorry...just thinking out loud."

"Cecilia if you are taking something..if you are on something , I can't have you in the Drama Club."

"I'm not on anything." I laugh.

"So then who are you talking too?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."