Protecting Cecilia

If only...

Song: Titanium by Madilyn Bailey

I'm so glad when Monday comes around. Just so I can get out of this freaking house. I eat breakfast in the cafeteria and head to my first class.

Since everyone has been talking about Weston, they have stopped talking about me...well almost.

I know I look horrible today. No one needs to point it out to me. I don't need anyone telling me what I look like when I already know. I seen myself in the mirror this morning and there is nothing I can do about the dark circles around my eyes from not getting appropriate sleep or the amount of food I should get to keep my body going. But this is school so who am I kidding...right.

"Good God Cecilia you look like death," says Karina.

I ignore her and her little clone friends that make comments right after her.

On my way to forth period, my class happens to be by the gym. I don't see it happening at first and by the time I am drugged into the girl's locker room I can't manage to escape. Hands are all over me pulling me farther and farther in until we come to the showers. I'm over powered by three girls. One turns on the shower and the next thing I know I have ice cold water pouring down on me. I am drenched from head to toe and yes I have my clothes and shoes on.

I could fight back. I should fight back. That is what they want me to do. They want me to cry and scream and fight them back so I do nothing. I sit there in the cold shower letting the water rain over me.

"Come on Cecilia take up for yourself, for crying out loud," says Ericka.

"Are you gonna cry....are you." Teases Jessie.

Karina throws a bottle of shampoo at me. "Here you could use this...you stink girl." And all three sneaker.

I don't give in and it makes them even more upset so they leave. I refuse to step down to their level. Bratty ass rich kids.

I think maybe I really do stink. I've been in my room all weekend and haven't had a shower. I know I look horrible and my hair is oily from not being washed in a few days. I'm in the shower so I peel off my wet clothes and start washing myself with the shampoo. I turn the water where it is steaming. So hot that it burns my skin but I feel like it washes away all the disgust that they all see. I use my fingers to get most of the knots out of my hair. When I am done the only thing I have to wear are my wet clothes. Gross!

Thankfully it's between classes so no one is in the hallways. I run down to Mrs. Banks office. I knock on the door but she is not there. I try turning the knob and it opens right up. I step inside and shut the door behind me. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I grabbed some of the dry clothes.

I'm completely naked when the door opens up and I gasp throwing the clothes in front of me. I hold them close to my chest. It's only her...hallelujah!

"Cecilia what's going on?"

"I kind of got thrown into the shower...uhm...my clothes are wet so I thought since last time you helped maybe you wouldn't mind if I borrowed some clothes again."

"Of course not...it's ok." Her eyes trail down my body.

I would rather for her to see the front side of me rather than the back side. She keeps looking and I see it in her eyes. All of a sudden I feel like I am going to puke. I feel ashamed, humiliated, and my breathing is becoming more rapid along with my heart rate. I think I am having a panic attack. Everything starts to swirl around me and I can feel every nerve going numb. I feel so light headed and the next thing I know I'm down on the floor rocking with my arms around my knees. Back and forth, back and forth.

She is on her knees beside me in no time. She hands me a brown paper sack. "Here breathe into this."

I breathe in-out, in-out, while she starts to sing to me. Her voice sounds so soothing and my heart starts to slow down. Her arm is around me and she is rocking with me and again that voice so calming to my ever being. She holds me until I am calm.

I have the clothes against me, but not on me. And my hair thankfully covers most of my back. But I know she seen a lot of me. I didn't want her to see me at all but it is what it is. I know she is going to ask me about it; it's only a matter of time.

She sings another song and continues to rock with me a little longer, hugging me so close to her. It feels so awkward but relaxing. When my nerves are completely calmed back down to almost normal and are no longer trembling she stops singing and gets really quite.

"Cecilia does he do this all the time?"

I shake my head yes.

"Cecilia why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

I shrug my shoulders. I mean what can I say about it.

"I can't let you go home...you know that right?"

"He will kill me if I don't. He will kill me if you say anything. It's just a few bruises; I will be okay."

"Cecilia if you don't leave he will kill you. I'm surprised he hasn't already."

I start crying. I hate crying in front of others. I know she feels my pain and know she knows what I have to live with and all I can do is cry and beg her. "Please Mrs. Banks, please don't say anything it will only make matters worse."

She shakes her head and stands up. "Here I actually made sure I had clothes for you in case you had to come for more. I bought you a long sleeve flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, brand new never worn." She hands them to me.

I look puzzled at her.

"I was right...you would come back for more. Don't say anything just take them. I got them for you and you can keep it consider it a gift."

I try to smile at her. I hold out the shirt and I love it. It's red and black flannel and it's in a small just my size. I pull it on and it feels amazing against my skin, so soft. The jeans also fit and feel so clean, brand new, never worn. I have never had that feeling.

She looks down at my shoes and shakes her head. "What size shoes do you wear?"

"Sevens...I think." I shrug. I'm not really sure. I've had the same ones forever and the size is worn off. I can't remember how long I have actually had them. I try to take care of them I do because I never know if I will ever get any more.

"I wear sevens too." She smiles. She goes behind her desk and bends down then comes back up with a pair of Nike's.

"I can't wear those." I tell her.

"Nonsense...you can and you will. I can't let you walk around all day with wet shoes and here are some dry socks as well." She hands them to me.

I almost feel like a charity case. I hate having others help me out like this, even though I know she means well.

Mrs. Banks looks at me for a second and then motions for me to come sit down. "Come sit down; let me do your hair."

I do as I'm told. That's me Cecilia always doing what I am told to do. I can't remember a time when anyone has ever brushed my hair. It feels...it feels amazingly soothing. Every little strand of hair touched by her loving hands. I fight back the tears. I'm not sad; it's just that I know she really cares for me. I so wish that I could have a mom like this, like her. A mom that actually cares and gives her full attention to. A mom who actually gives a shit about my feelings and my well being.