Falling Hard

Weird

I avoided dad like the plague all week. It finally took mom cornering me to realize I hadn't said anything to him in days.

"He's your father, Angelo. He's not upset about the basketball try-outs." She said. I made mom tell him about not making the team. I lied and said I was too embarrassed to. But the real reason was that I was afraid he would get mad at me. He had a tendency to overreact and treat every little thing like the biggest problem ever. Not making the team the previous three years was nothing compared to not making it my senior year. Senior year was when everything mattered most.

"Mom, you know how he is. He's probably mad because I didn't try hard enough."

"Then tell him you didn't want to be on the team."

"And make him even more mad?"

"Angelo, he loves you. He won't be mad at you." She squeezed my shoulders and planted a kiss to the top of my head.

I sighed. "Do you need help with dinner?"

A smile lit up her face. "I would love that, honey."

I pulled a pan from the cupboard and set it on the stove. "So... I don't know if I'm going with you guys to visit Clara."

"Angelo, she was really looking forward to seeing you."

"I don't want to tell her I didn't make the team." I didn't want to bring it up around my father and have him ridicule me in front of my sister. She was going to college far away from home and she was so much smarter and more talented than me. She was everything my parents wanted from a child. Then they were stuck with me, living in her shadow.

"Honey, I'm sure she won't be upset."

"I'm embarrassed, mom. I'll visit her on my own soon. I promise."

She pursed her lips. "Please don't let this ruin your relationship with your father. Or your sister."

"I won't. I'll call her tonight and tell her."

She paused to look at me and I was afraid she was going to ask me why. I was afraid she was going to find out I was gay. She wasn't nearly as judgemental as my father but we'd never discussed homosexuality. I didn't know how my parents felt about it and if it was negative, I didn't want to find out.

I couldn't wait forever to tell them but I at least wanted several years to figure myself out. I wanted to know who I was before I told them.

---

Clara was brushing her teeth when I called her. A pair of gray pajamas covered her up and her hair was pulled back.

"Sorry to interrupt you." I mumbled, staring up at the ceiling. I was nervous to see her, talk to her, tell her why I wasn't visiting with my parents.

"Are you okay?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I glanced at my phone. She was looking at the screen, at me. "I'm not coming this weekend."

She sighed. "What's your excuse now?"

I pushed myself up and ran a hand through my hair. "I have a lot of homework and school stuff-"

"Save it, Angelo. What's the real reason you aren't coming?"

"How do you do that?"

"Just tell me."

"The car ride with mom and dad."

"What about it?"

"I've been avoiding dad ever since try-outs. I hate the thought of him hating me over this."

"Maybe he thinks you hate him."

"Clara, why would you think that?"

"He's pushing you to play sports that you hate yet you won't tell him you hate it. So he probably thinks you resent him over it. If you told him the truth, maybe he wouldn't feel that way and he'd ease up."

I sighed. "Dad has his mind made up on who I should be. It's just not me."

She carried her phone to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. "Is there something else bothering you?"

"Clara-"

"Angelo, I won't tell anyone. My friends here don't even know you."

I pursed my lips and looked out the window at the basketball hoop dad had put in over the garage. He'd had such high hopes for me. I hated the thought of letting him down. Yet I never made a single sports team. I never became what he wanted me to.

"I'm here for you, Ang."

"I-I'm gay."

A slow smile spread on her face. "No way. No way!"

"Clara-" She was too excited over my... gayness. If she didn't quiet down, my parents were sure to overhear. That wasn't the way I wanted them to find out.

"Angelo, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I just kind of found out a few days ago."

"Found out? Angelo, do you have a boyfriend? Is it some nerd who hates sports like you do?"

"Shut up, Clara. It's... it's Brandon."

"Brandon? As in your best friend Brandon? He's gay too?"

I turned the volume down on my phone quickly, not wanting my parents to hear. "Yes, that Brandon. We haven't told anyone yet and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Your secret is safe with me. Is that why you won't come visit? I promise it'll be fine."

"I'll visit on my own. I promise."

"I'm holding you to it."

"You don't have to be weird now, you know."

She grinned at me. "Nothing can match how weird you are, Ang."

"Whatever. I'll talk to you later."