EPIC (Book 1 of the Soundcrush series)

Chapter 26: Rock Stars Have Feelings Too

***STEAM WARNING***

Trace kisses me like the world is ending. Our hands are in motion everywhere, like we have no grip on reality, just each other. He breaks away and I make a small cry of protest.

"That kiss should tell you everything you need to know about why I brought you here," he says harshly. His hand is on my jaw, keeping my head in place, my eyes locked to his. "I want you here with me. The way I want you has nothing to do with your sister. I want you because you're my best friend and I've missed the fuck out of you, but also because since I kissed you two and half years ago,  I haven't been able to forget it, no matter how hard I've tried. And believe me, I've tried. Finally I just gave up trying to forget and just started counting the days until you graduated. I was waiting for you  to be sure in yourself-- enough to make your own decisions about what you want. Because it's you I want, Kat. I want to be with you so bad I think I'm fucking obsessed with you or something."

Trace is drunk, but there's something so raw and honest in the way he's looking at me that all my own irritation melts away. I want him, too. I want so much more than sex, but I can't for the life of me understand why he's not inside of me right now, because it's what we both want, and it seems like it would be a damn good way to ease some of our obsessive wanting of each other. 

I kiss him back, even harder than he just kissed me. "I want to feel you so bad right now, Trace. I don't want the Love Tree. I need you now, Trace. I swear, I'm ready." I pull him to me. His hands grip my hips, but he pulls away from kissing me.

"I'm wasted, Kat." His voice is strained, like his body doesn't agree with what he's saying. "I'm not going to take you like that, the first time. You don't want that."

"Take me? God, you're such a...man. You know this is the twenty-first century, right? Why should you get to make the decision about my first time? Just because I have an intact hymen, doesn't mean I don't know what I want."

He makes a disgusted sound and shoots me a slightly bleary, irritated look from beneath his dark brows."Has it occurred to you that it's not just your first time? It's our first time together? I want to be in it, Kat. I don't want a blurry fuck."

"Oh." Actually, I hadn't thought of it like that at all. I lay my head on his chest "That's really sweet, Trace."

He sighs. "Maybe it's not very manly to say, but I want to make love to you, with my body and my heart and soul and all that shit, especially the first time. And I can't give you the best of me right now."

I get the feeling I've hurt his feelings a little bit, being so...relentless in the pursuit of losing my virginity to him. Somehow, I've made him feel like a non-person in the event.

"Hey, Trace?"

"Yeah?" His voice is a little flat.

"I see what you mean. And I want that too, for our first time. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to use man like a dirty word. I like the kind of man you are. Very much." 

His arm comes around me. "It's okay. Thanks, though. Sometimes it's not easy being a dude these days."

We breathe together, both slightly frustrated. After a few minutes, I say, "Okay, I get why tonight's not the not for us to make love for the first time.  But...are you too drunk to mess around?"

His eyes are closed, and his face is expressionless, but I see his Adam's apple dip in slow motion.  "What did you have in mind?"

"I want you to touch me, and I want to touch you, too." I whisper. I slowly bring his hand to where I want it, and I brush across him. He's hard, and he groans. "Please, Trace. We will both feel so much better."