DEAREST

PART 3: IRREALITY, Ch. 5

5

At this moment, I feel a strange feeling of emptiness and desolation.

I don't dare to look at Luciana while we are in the taxi, and I can feel the pressure of her eyes fixed on me. I remember the words of the Inquisitor: she is a dog; she will tell you what you ask her. It may be true. If I ask, 'What are you hiding from me?' And 'Why?' It's possible that she will tell me. She doesn't seem to be a kind of person who lies to you. Maybe... she's hiding this truth for a matter of reason. Maybe it has nothing to do with me.

Luciana is silent, but I can feel she is dying to say something. I also want to tell her many things at this time, but I let the heavy energy of that desire engulf me. Moreover, I don't think I can even honor such an intense conversation in the state in which I find myself. An annoying tingle runs through my body and I can barely feel my body here. Maybe it's my own soul that's flooding the interior of the car and not the desire to say anything in particular.

I tremble notoriously when I give the money to the driver, and I also feel the blood coming down abruptly along my body due to the pressure when I get off the taxi. Oh! My heart is so fleeting! If it's not the fervor of an obsession, it's the cold of oblivion.

Back at the hotel, I slide my hand along the corridor wall to keep my balance. My footsteps are so loud that the noise hurts in my eardrums, as if I had a fever. My voice is small, doughy and I drag the words when I speak.

"What you told me before... It's a pretty convenient monologue, isn't it? So you suggest that I should listen to you. Very well."

"Master, are you——?!"

She runs towards me when I collapse.

Of all the moments for it! I think, feeling my body suddenly too heavy to hold it.

But, she holds me up as if I didn't weigh anything at all and helps me sit carefully on the edge of the bed.

"You shouldn't have fought..." she says, moving slowly away, as if she feared something would happen to me again, and looks at me persistently. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Master... I'm really sorry..."

She stops in my eyes, keeping her mouth open as if she wanted to say something else. But, instead, she lowers her gaze and then looks around, thinking of something.

"Maybe you should eat and drink something cold," she suggests as she nods. "I'll go get us something."

She hurries to leave the room.

I don't know exactly how long she will take, but I'm left alone in the room with my own mixed feelings and my tiredness.

My family has trained a warrior for me, and she is willing to help me. All this time I have believed in the authority of my family, as well as in Luciana's fervent oath, and although her intentions remain a complete mystery to me, I don't question her rigor, nor the quality of her work, nor how effective or useful she is. I will only know in the end, if we arrive to that point. However, this demon who confirms being her father, talking about Luciana...

I take off my boots, I stretch on the mattress and turn on my side, feeling the smell of dust on the sheets. For a moment I stay as still as I can, trying to stop the constant wobble of everything around me.

Luciana doesn't take long—a few minutes, to be more precise. She leaves the bag on the table, and takes a bottle from inside. She removes the lid with the edge of one of her swords, and then turns to me, approaches and offers it to me.

I give a suspicious look at the bottle, because I have no idea what she is giving me.

"It's lemonade. It's cold. Drink."