PetrA

Chapter twenty: Gemma

Gemma kept a close eye on Ellie as they all worked to barricade the doors in the front and back, and cover the windows so light wouldn't slip out and attract unwelcome visitors. She was still so pale her skin boarded on transparent, but she had thrown up her unworldly tall walls with barbered wire and landmines, making it impossible to know what was going behind the calm and blank expression. Only once before had she ever seen Ellie, frail, scared and lost. Gemma knew that she put up a façade. She had done it at school, and she was doing it now. Often when Gemma had heard, people describe Ellie they used the words, confident, pretty, silent, carefree, happy, superior, know it all, aloof, nice and level headed. Many of the words conflicted but what Ellie would show depended on her day, and who you might be, however, she certainly seemed to fit those specific words, but Ellie had her own battles to fight, that took much of her energy, causing her to throw up the walls.

They all gathered in the middle of the room with sleeping bags and those foam things you sleep on in tents, with one light in the midst of them all. Ellie was keeping a small distance to them all scowling into the light. Gemma could only imagine what was going on in her head. She often disappeared into her own thoughts when things got too uncomfortable for her, or when she wanted others to think she didn't care. It did not seem like anyone wanted to talk much either. No one said a word; they just stared into the little light coming from the lamp. Little Aiden had already curled up in Ellie's lap, where he snored. It was a funny sight, he was far too big, but it didn't seem like Ellie cared much. She was stroking his hair quietly still frowning into the light. Kim sat on her left side and held her free hand in his. Joachim had found some wood he was sharpening with a knife; Henrik were already sleeping in his sleeping bag. Lesley and Daniel both stared at Kim in envy. It almost made Gemma laugh, they'd never have a chance with her anyway, and Cody sat beside Gemma quietly.

"We probably should get some sleep." Daniel said at last. Nobody objected, and they crawled into their own bags. Ellie struggled with getting Aiden into his bag, in the end she just laid it over him and sat down on the floor again. She didn't move nor did she pull on her own sleeping bag. Even Gemma could see that it was a kids size and far too small for a 5'9 tall girl. it would barely cover her stomach. Gemma pretended to be asleep as she watched Ellie, Kim must have noticed that something was wrong with her, because when it seemed like they had all fallen asleep he pulled her close to her and kissed her forehead. "It's okay." He murmured quietly. Ellie didn't answer right away, but her voice was shaky and it was clear that she was fighting tears. "No it's not." She mumbled. "Weakness is not okay, not here, not now, not ever." Gemma wanted to scream at Ellie, but she kept her mouth shut. She knew that Ellie had been dealing with thoughts like that for years.

"Ellie, you don't have or need to be strong all the time. Sometimes it's okay to give in to your fears." Kim said. Ellie detangled herself from his arms so she could look him into the eyes. "You don't get it. I'm not scared or afraid. It's just... I cannot handle raw meat and things like that. It makes me sick and you saw what happened to me. It can't happen again; I won't survive if it does." Kim sighed. "You would smell like a walking corpse so they wouldn't even bother you." The attempt of a joke made Ellie smile, just a little. Gemma tried hard not to say awe as he kissed her. The first kiss she'd seen them share. It made Gemma think that they didn't want the others to know, although it was as clear as the sun shining on the sky, even behind the skies, you just know that it is there.

The morning came too quickly for Gemma's likings, but she gathered up her stuff and helped everyone else pack, as she forced them to eat. Ellie took the most work, she was still pale and her face was a mask of indifference. "Ellie you have to eat. You can't go out there and have not eaten; your energy will be too low." Gemma said but it didn't help. As stubborn, as Ellie was, almost nothing could make her do something she didn't want to. Right then it was eating. Kim had to step in along with Henrik in order to get her to eat something. They had to force the food into her mouth and make her chew. Ellie wasn't too happy about that.

Daniel, Lesley and Cody scouted to make sure that the coast was clear. Quietly they left the store behind and continued down the highway. The road was quiet and filled with abandoned cars. It took a long time to get past the heaviest parts that led out of the town. So they switched to the opposite lane and drove a long way around town.