PetrA

Chapter fifty-five: Ellie

Ellie emptied the four bags filled with food on the table in the auto camper as Cody started to drive again. "This'll hold for a couple of weeks." Gemma said looking at the huge bags filled with dried food. "We still need to figure out a way to keep us stocked, just in case we should get separated again." Ellie said poking a bag of dried fruits. She wrinkled her nose at it. She had never been a fan of dried fruit, not unless it was those thin dried apple slices or dried bananas. "There's no room for being picky." Anthony said noticing her facial expression. "I'm not picky. I just don't like dried fruit, unless it's apples or bananas." There was a round of snickers. "What?" Ellie demanded. No one answered, "We'll just have to raid more shops as we come across them?" Joachim said. Ellie hardly glanced at him, "That's an idea, but we can't always rely on there being any food left in the shops. We're hardly the only ones still alive around here. We saw that at the last shop, people had been there before us." She said remembering the broken windows. "Yeah, but when?" Lewis asked raising his eyebrows. "I don't know, but I doubt that we're the first ones since the windows was broken. If people have survived in this area, they'll most likely have sought up here."

"But like 95% of the world population is probably already flesh eating cadavers who is on an endless hunt for living people, and the percentage of people alive is getting smaller every day." Ellie sighed, "Joachim that still doesn't mean that people aren't fighting to stay alive! Just like us. We're still up and running, aren't we? We have already lost somebody. I'm not going to deny that, most of us have lost our families to the dead, if not all of us. Lesley didn't die because he wanted to, Cody's mum didn't die because she wanted to, and your family didn't die because they wanted to, neither did my parents, none of our families did, but does that mean we have to give up? Just because there's what? 4% uninfected living human beings left. If there's one thing I know, it's that I am not going down without hell of a fight first. Cut off my arms and legs to keep the infection from spreading, I don't care. As long as I can stand I will fight until I die!" Ellie didn't know where it came from, but she spoke the truth and it felt right to say. She looked around the group all of them was quiet. Gordon gazed at her almost admiringly. She stared directly into Joachim's eyes daring him to say anything.

"But you haven't seen your family dead." He said. Ellie didn't break eye contact with him as she gave him a hard look. "No, I haven't." She said. "And I am grateful for that, but I still feel just like you. Most of my family is probably dead, my dad, my stepmother, maybe my two older sisters, Julia and Danielle, my grandparents, and my mother, all of my cousins, uncles and aunts. Trust me. I feel the pain. I feel the longing. I had a big family and I was supposed to go back home this Christmas to see them all, celebrate my eighteenth birthday, but I can't do that. I'll never be able to do that again, neither are you," Ellie's voice broke and tears burned her eyes. "We don't have anyone left, but each other! Our families are gone; they won't be gathered ever again. They'll never smile, they'll never cry, feel, see or hear again. Because we brought this upon ourselves! The only thing we can do is to try to stay alive. Because everyone we knew and loved are gone. We should keep fighting and not just throw the towel in the ring. We owe them that. Stay alive and fight for our survival." Ellie was crying. "It's like a black cloud that settles around you that will never leave and constantly suck the happiness out of you and replace it with pain, suffering and darkness. You feel like you'll never be happy again, but you have to fight it. Because if you don't it'll consume you and drain you of energy. The depression never leaves you." Her whole body was shaking. She didn't even care that the others saw her cry.

"How would you know that?" Joachim asked glaring at her. "What would you know about depression? Pain and loss?" Ellie finally snapped, unable to keep it in anymore. Years of memories and pain washed over her like a tidal wave bringing all the bad things. "What I know about depression?" She echoed hollowly.