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27 ➵ Vlog #15

Vlog #15 (Thursday)

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The guilt I felt was eating me alive.

It wasn't that I felt anything. It's not that I wanted to kiss him. I just wanted to be a good friend and played along.

Luke was hurt and wanted that Ashton felt the same way he did.

I really thought it wouldn't matter that much to me but it did, all I could think about was how Calum would react if he found out.

Would he be mad at me?

Would he hate me?

Would he understand?

I really hoped he would understand. He knew that Luke was my best friend and that I was just trying to help whenever I can.

Sure, on one side it was pretty childish. By kissing me Luke was just as bad as Ashton was. Of course he wanted revenge but he could've just talked to Ashton instead of getting drunk and trying to hurt him as much as he hurt Luke.

Teenagers were weird. 

[from: calum from youtube]

can i come over for an hour ? :)

[to: calum from youtube]

uh yeah sure 

I was really unsure of how that would turn out.

✧ ✧

"So, how was school today?" Calum asked as we sat down on my bed.

"Boring, really," I answered.

"And did something happen yesterday or something?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, maybe you kissed someone that wasn't me," he casually said and shrugged.

"Calum, I -- what? No. Or maybe? How do you even know that? Look, let me explain. It was nothing, I promise."

"A friend saw you, he told me. Maybe it was nothing to you but why does it hurt me so much?" he said, tears forming in his eyes.

"Babe, please. It was just Luke, I promise it was nothing special. I didn't feel anything, really. He was drunk and wanted to make Ashton jealous since he cheated on him. I'm his best friend and I just wanted to help. I admit it was kind of dumb but again, he was drunk and just wanted revenge," I explained. 

"I mean, I kind of understand what Luke wanted to do and I'm not mad."

"You -- You're not mad?" I asked surprised.

"No."

"But you're crying."

"I know. I'm sorry. Look, I don't know what I feel about you anymore and that you kissed someone else just made me realize even more how important you are to me," he said.

"Calum, what are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath.

"I -- I think I may be gay."

"Are you sure?" I asked and he nodded. "What made you realize?"

"You, you dumbass. Before I started talking to you I kind of noticed that I was more attracted to boys. I thought it was nothing, just a phase. I was wrong. The more I talked to you the more I started to fall. I don't know what you said to yourself as you discovered that you're gay but I still tried to convince myself that I'll get over it. I don't know why but I wanted to be straight."