Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 17

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Time passed slowly between Colonel Fitzwilliam's arrival (which was greeted with much enthusiasm by most) and the day Darcy and his cousin had to go to Rosings. During that time, Darcy found many distractions from the boredom the aristocracy usually experience.

The first was Bingley. He was quieter, more subdued though he was lively enough in smaller gatherings of his friends.

The second was Miss Bingley. No matter how politely he parried all her attempts to gain his attentions she still did not realise that Darcy had absolutely no interest in her apart from his best friend's relative.

His own sister was the third. Georgiana was still very shy in society, and though he was determined to overcome her shyness, he did not have the heart to push her. Colonel Fitzwilliam was also a distraction. His good-natured teasing was a welcome relieve - sometimes - from the politeness and respect everyone held for him, though Darcy sometimes did wish Fitzwilliam did have a bit more respect for him.

And last, but not least, was Elizabeth Bennet.

Unlike the others, he could not avoid this distraction. Wherever he went, whatever he did, she followed. It was rather pleasant; something to smile at in a time of little cheer. If he was reading, he saw her sitting in a chair near him curled up with one of his favourite works. At balls, he would imagine she was also there. She would dance with him and Darcy would experience that pleasant shock he remembered when their hands touched.

But after a while, it became slightly annoying.

Once he was fencing with Colonel Fitzwilliam. For some reason, he thought of his conversations with Elizabeth, which were like fencing match. Attack, parry, defend - it was very similar but with words instead of rapiers.

Suddenly the weapon was struck out of his hand and it clattered on the ground.

Fitzwilliam was looking at him curiously.

"Well, Darcy, that is quite unusual. You are never defeated after only two exchanges. Is there something on your mind?"

"No . . . nothing of importance."

"Do not deny it, cousin. What is it? Maybe it is your Elizabeth Bennet you are always telling me about. Hardly a day goes by in which you do not mention her at least once. Am I right?"

Baines interrupted them, asking them to clear the area for the next opponents. Darcy took advantage of this opportunity to escape the uncomfortable questions. He did not wish to lie, but nor did he want to tell his cousin the truth.

Finally, on the morning of their departure, Darcy realised that his obsession with Elizabeth had crossed from irritating to disturbing.

He woke up that morning and lay in bed for some time, summoning up the strength to last through the visit. He groaned - there would be no one there except his aunt, his cousin and her companion. Actually, there would also be that simpering clergyman who lived nearby, the one who was Elizabeth's cousin.

With the thought of Elizabeth, he idly looked down to the empty space in the bed beside him. For a brief moment he imagined her lying there, her dark hair curling over her shoulders and a slight smile on her face as she peacefully slept.

With a feeling of shock and revulsion, Darcy got out of the bed and stormed across the room.

"Stay out of my mind!" he cried to the unfeeling walls.

What is wrong with me? he thought to himself. Why does she dominate my thought like this? I came to London to forget her and yet my thoughts are turned more frequently towards her!

Angry more at himself for his lack of control than at the lady herself, he flung himself into a chair and brooded.

Alerted by the noise, a servant opened the door and asked if his master required anything.

"No! Leave me!"

Terrified, the man left. Darcy listened to the footsteps rapidly disappearing and stared into the fireplace.

Some minutes later, there was a sharp knock on the door again.

"Who is it!" growled Darcy.

"It is I," said his cousin. Without ceremony the door was opened and the Colonel stepped inside.

"Darcy are you ill? Good Lord, you are not even dressed! We have to leave in half an hour if we are to reach Rosings in time."

Darcy did not answer.

"You cannot escape your duties, cousin. And you have a duty towards Lady Catherine. She is family."

Darcy sighed, feeling his duties settle over him like a leaden weight. Duty. He had a duty towards his family, a duty towards his estates, a duty towards Bingley and more. The list went on and on.

When can I do my duties towards myself?

He sighed.

"No, I have not forgotten." Darcy stood up and faced his cousin. "I shall join you downstairs in ten minutes."

Fitzwilliam nodded and left, closing the door.

Darcy reached for the clothes the valet had laid out for him.

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Eight minutes later he was walking down the staircase towards the door. There he observed Bingley and his relations and Georgiana waiting on the steps to say their farewells. Fitzwilliam was directing the servants to place the luggage on the carriage.

Miss Bingley, with no surprise was the first to say her goodbyes.

"Well, sir, so you are to spend some time with your relations? I wish you a safe journey."

"I thank you."

"And you will return soon? I know that I . . . we will be most unhappy without your company. And the Colonel's," she added hurriedly.

"I hope so."

Mr and Mrs Hurst merely wished him well; Bingley was the only who he knew he would miss apart from Georgiana. He promised his friend and his sister that he would write often and then the Colonel joined him in his farewells.

Time soon commanded that they begin the journey and so they entered the carriage and drove off to Kent.

Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam passed the time agreeably for most of the journey.

"Did I mention to you that Colonel Forster was in Hertfodshire?"

"No, you did not, Darcy," replied he. "How was he?"

"In excellent health. He has lately married - did you know that?"

"Old Rudolph Forster, married? That is a new development indeed! And how does matrimony suit him?"

"I think it does him very well." He paused. "Wickham has joined his regiment."

"Did he now! I wish Forster good luck with him. Heaven knows that man is a dirty scoundrel. I hope you managed well with Wickham in town."

"I think I did. I only saw him briefly - I was half-afraid he would attend a ball Bingley was holding, but he did not."

"It is good for him he did not. I know what you are capable of, Darcy, when you are terribly angry."

Darcy smiled grimly at his cousin.

"Yes."

There was silence for a while, then Darcy looked outside and wondered how long it was until Kent.

"I do not think it is much longer."

Darcy nodded and sat back in his seat.

Kent - even further away from Hertfodshire and its intriguing resident.

Maybe he could finally get her out of his mind.