Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 26

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The carriage arrived in London outside Darcy's townhouse in the late afternoon. Throughout the trip, Colonel Fitzwilliam had tried his best to get his cousin to open up and talk without success.

Georgiana and Mrs Annesley and the Bingleys were waiting to meet them. Their pleasure at seeing the two men were sincere, Georgiana's most of all with Miss Bingley close behind. The greetings were numerous but the contrast between Darcy and the Colonel was obvious. Fitzwilliam smiled and shook hands all round, but Darcy simply nodded to everyone then retreated inside the house.

He wordlessely handed the servant his coat and hat then went to his study. Behind him he coud hear Georgiana inquiring about him to Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"Is there something the matter?"

"I don't know," said he slowly.

Darcy didn't care - he slammed the door and collapsed into the chair.

The fireplace was dark - the servants had not yet had a chance to light it. And many of them were well acquainted with their master - he did not want to be disturbed, and the only one who had the courage to knock on the study door was Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"Darcy, what are you doing in there? Why don't you come and greet your friends and sister properly?" When Darcy did not answer, he opened the door and stood there, blinking his eyes against the darkness.

"Georgiana has not seen you for some time and she says you have also neglected to write to her," he said.

Georgiana came up behind her cousin, then stepped past him into the darkened room.

"Brother, are you well?"

Darcy got up. He needed comfort right and took Georgiana into his arms.

"I am . . . perfectly well," he lied. Over her shoulder he could see Colonel Fitzwilliam staring at him. He shot him a look that convinced his cousin not to bring up the subject of Darcy's trouble at the present moment.

A maid respectfully bobbed a curtsy in the corridor.

"If you please, sir, ma'am, dinner is ready."

They left the room.

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"And how was your visit?" asked Miss Bingley. She sat beside Georgiana with her brother on her other side.

"Quite interesting, actually," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. Some acquaintances from your visit to Hertfodshire was there," (here Bingley looked up), "Mr and Mrs Collins and Miss Lucas and . . . "

Darcy didn't listen to his cousin. But when it seemed that the Colonel was to reveal Elizabeth's presence in Kent, he looked up with a pained expression. His cousin saw it and said,

"And Aunt Catherine seemed to enjoy their company very much."

Conversation continued, dominated by Miss Bingley, who tried to get Darcy to talk and Colonel Fitzwilliam who answered all of her questions.

Darcy was not hungry. The food and wine sickened him and he soon gestured to the servant to take it away. He left the table without a word and went to the library.

He felt everyone's questioning gaze upon him as he left.

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The library was large with a fireplace at one end. Darcy sat in the large chair beside it and stared into the fireplace. It was too warm for it to be lit fully and there were only embers.

He sat back in the shadows. Wherever he went, he still saw her. But last time it had been a pleasant memory - this time it was not. Before him the image of her rose unbidden.

You are the last man in the world whom I could ever marry . . .

Anger rose at the memory. She had humiliated him - thankfully she was the only witness to it. Her accusations still rankled with him. Though he had explained to her why he had separated Bingley from her sister, he could not see Bingley without being reminded of it. His friend was withdrawn and he felt guilt at being the cause of it.

And Wickham! - If the man was in his reach right now, he would not have been able to prevent himself from doing something harmful to him. But Darcy had explained himself to Elizabeth had he hoped she would believe him.

Was it right for him to have told her about Georgiana's incident with the man? Was eh willing to threaten his sister's position just to win the approval of a woman he loved?

Why did he do it in the first place? It would not have changed her opinion of him - her hatred was too deeply rooted to be moved easily. She would probably tell the world about it out of spite!

Anger flared again - this time at himself.

She would not tell. She is honourable and she would understand that it is a delicate matter. How could you even think such a thing? If there is someone in the wrong, it is you!

His wallow in sorrow was interrupted by the opening of the door at the other end of the library.

"Why is Fitzwilliam so sad?" came Georgiana's voice. "He has not said ten words to me since you returned, he shuns our company - what on earth happened in Kent?"

"Georgiana," said Colonel FItzwilliam, "I truly do not know - " He stopped.

"Actually, I have an suspicion - more than an suspicion - of Darcy's troubles. Whether I am at leave to tell you I don't know, it is a very personal matter of his."

"But I want to help him, and I cannot if I do not know what is wrong."

"I - " Frustration coloured the Colonel's voice. "I tell you what, dearest, if Darcy doesn't improve by next week, then I will tell you. But I am hoping that this is just a simple, temporary matter."

Darcy listened to his cousin. Though he could not see his face, he could tell his cousin did not think it was a simple matter.

Georgiana on the other hand, did.

"Very well. Please try and make him feel better. I am only a child - I cannot help as well as you can, cousin."

"You are growing up, Georgiana, and though I can see it, I don't know if Darcy can . . . " The rest of the conversation was lost as the pair moved out of the library.

Darcy remained where he was for a few moments longer, then went to his bedchamber without saying goodnight to anyone.

He had a dream that night - a nightmare really. He dreamed he was in a darkened room. There was moonlight shining in the window and by the window was the figure of a woman. Thinking it was Elizabeth, Darcy apologised again and again. Finally he asked her for her forgiveness.

The figure moved out of the darkness and into the moonlight.

"I forgive you," said Miss Bingley.

Darcy woke up, and groaned. He wanted Elizabeth's forgiveness badly - but how?