summer

twenty four

It was the first time that Dylan had kissed Sawyer. He kissed him, despite the rusty blood and salty tears tainting his perfect lips. He grabs Sawyer's wrists as he pulls his face away.

      "You're the only person I want in my life, I'm not good enough for you. Sawyer, there's nothing wrong with you. I don't deserve someone as good as you." Dylan gently kisses Sawyer's wrists, despite the toilet paper wrappings. "I love you and nothing you can do could change that." Sawyer presses his forehead against Dylan's.

       "Then why you say all that stuff earlier?" Dylan bites his lip softly, regret seizing his body.

       "Because I'm stupid and my anxiety got so bad that it took over."

       "You're not stupid, don't say that. If anything, I would know best what it feels like to have bad mental illness, just look at me now!" Sawyer flashes his wrists sadly. Dylan smiles bitterly, leaning his cheek against Sawyer's chest.

        "Can you promise me something?"

        "Dylan, don't ask me to stop cutting. You know I can't control that!"

      "As much as I want that that's not what I'm going to ask."

      "Fine. What is it?" Sawyer wraps his arms around Dylan's waist sadly, he just doesn't seem like the bright, golden boy he was before. He just seemed sad, lost.

       "I want you to promise me that you understand I love you. I want you to realize that you're so important to me and I need you in my life. I want you to realize that you're never going to be less than me or not enough. You're perfect." Sawyer sobs quietly and starts shaking.

       "I'm sorry, Dylan, I'm so sorry. I'm so dumb, I don't know why I did this. I promise. I promise you, Dy. I promise because I love you." Dylan smiles sadly, lightly rubbing the last of the blood off of Sawyer's face.

"It's okay, Sawyer, shh." Sawyer leans against Dylan, staring at his wrists in shame.

"At least they aren't bleeding anymore. Ugh, I'm so dumb. Why do I even cut?"

"Shush, you're not dumb. Here, let me actually treat your wrists." Dylan stands up and opens the bathroom closet, grabbing some bandages and disinfectant. He peels off the toilet paper and disinfects the cuts on Sawyer's wrists.

"I'm sorry." Dylan puts some bandages on his cuts, they aren't as deep as he thought but they're long.

"Why do you keep apologizing? This isn't your fault."

"I'm the one who did it," he groans, pulling his arms out of Dylan's hands.

"You didn't want to, did you? Like you said, it's a mental thing."

"I guess, I just feel bad. You shouldn't have to be a part of this, you're better than that."

"You're better than this and I'm gonna stick around until you realize that."

"And what happens if I do?"

"First of all, when. When you do. Second, I'll stay after that. Sawyer, you mean the world to me."

"Thank you." Dylan smiles and pulls Sawyer to his feet.

"Let's go eat something, my mom's making lunch."

"I don't want her to see me like this."

"Come on, it's gonna be fine."

>><<

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Dylan's mom shoots Dylan a nervous glance.

"Really good." Dylan squeezes Sawyer's hand lightly.

"I'm glad to hear that." She looks at Sawyer's wrists cautiously, noticing the obvious bandages standing out against his tan skin. She bites her lip sadly but doesn't say anything.

"So what's for lunch?" Dylan guides Sawyer to the counter and sits next to him on a stool.

"Macaroni and cheese. I can't believe I'm already slaving around to you two, I just got home!" Sawyer laughs quietly, sadly. He looks like he's going to cry again. Dylan hugs him quickly when his mom turns away.

"You okay?" Sawyer nods slightly, still looking a bit rough. Dylan pulls away but continues to hold his hand.

"Here," calls him mother, placing down two bowls of food in front of them. Dylan takes a few bites but noticed that Sawyer's not eating. "I'm gonna go get caught up on some work in the living room." She leaves and Dylan turns to Sawyer.

"Honestly, are you really okay?" Sawyer bites his lip and scrunches up his eyes.

"I don't know. I want to be okay but I just feel so sad." Dylan frowns and hugs him again.

"Do you wanna go upstairs? Outside? Whatever you want."

"Upstairs, I guess."