The Deep End

22

Chapter Song: A Silver Lining- They Dream By Day

"You look like her you know." My dad leaned against my wooden door frame as I stared at myself in the mirror.

Tonight was Nolan's wedding at Cal's house. For some reason I found myself getting more nervous. Riley was helping Liam tie his tye in his room so my dad took the opportunity to come into mine.

I wish I didn't look like her. I kind of always hated that I look like her. It made me feel like a painful reminder of someone my dad lost. I suppose I was still angry at her.

After all these years she left. She shattered the family into broken pieces. Piece by piece we fixed ourselves no thanks to her. I still just felt as if there were fragments missing and I'd never be able to find them again. But all those feelings aside there was a small part of me that missed her. At least I missed what I remembered, or maybe the idea of her.

I still remembered the exact night she left. Liam and I were both living upstairs at the time sharing what is now Livi's bedroom. I heard doors closing and rushed words. I was tossing and turning in my sleep, so I got up to go ask my dad for water. What I found was my mom walking towards the door with a suitcase.

"Mom!" I called to her. I remembered her turning towards me and her eyes were watery. "Where are you going?" I whispered to her afraid that I was going to wake up anyone else.

I remembered her looking at me letting out a heavy breath, I still don't know it was out of frustration of me seeing her or sadness. She just stared at me a few more moments capturing what I looked like at that moment with my polka dot and striped pajamas I insisted on wearing every night, and my hair sticking out in every direction. She had sad eyes full of longing. Perhaps it was the life she always dreamed of and never got with us.

"Oh, I am going to the grocery store." She smiled at me whispering. I know now that she forced the smile. She never had real feelings towards me. 

"What about Liam?" I asked her.

I remember being so worried she forgot about Liam. That he was going to be so sad she went to the store without him. Only little did I know she wasn't going to come back.

Going grocery shopping was always her and Liam's special time. She never went to get groceries without him, maybe because he was so patient.

I hated it.

I always wanted to walk around and look at all the colors of vegetables or cereal boxes, and my mom loathed it. Liam would just sit in the cart eating a snack that she brought for both of us. She would always have to hunt me down at one point or another. One time she got so fed up she put me on one of those child leashes.

I was smart enough to know that this time was different. But I still didn't understand why she wasn't bringing Liam with her.

"No baby he's sleeping. It's just a quick trip to the grocery store. I will be back I promise." She assured me. "I need to get stuff to make for breakfast in the morning." 

She never came back.

The next morning I pretended to be just as shocked and sad as Liam was. I didn't know if my dad ever heard me that night. We never talked about it. We barely talked about her since then. I was glad for that. I didn't want to talk about her. 

I pushed my thoughts away and smiled at my dad turning away from the mirror to help fix his crooked tie. I smiled instantly at the one he was wearing. It was the one I helped Livi pick out for him for his birthday two months ago. A soft beige with maroon stripes across it.

"Does it hurt you that I look like her?" I looked up at him as his eyes are softened. At least I have his brown eyes. That was something nice.

"No of course not she's beautiful Kennedy just like you." He reached to grab my arm softly giving it a small squeeze. "She may not be here, but she gave me you and Liam and that's all I could ever want," he added.

That made me smile. My dad was usually drowning in patients, but when he was here he really showed up. He's one of the few people I could always count on. I loved how I could always have open and honest conversations with him. He wasn't like most parents in that way.

"Thanks, Dad," I whispered.

"Yo are you slowpokes ready or what?" Liam walked in spinning around to show off his suit. It was a form-fitting navy blue that complimented his skin tone. He even decided to brush his hair for once. If I had to guess he might have even used hair gel too. 

He chose a maroon tie that matched Riley's dress. It was kind of funny since she was technically going with Mason. But looking at the two of them side by side I realized they looked good together. I didn't say that out loud, not wanting to cause a scene. Kylie wasn't able to go because she had some family reunion thing.

I caught Riley rolling her eyes behind him giving him a little shove which made my dad and I laugh along with her. It was the four of us going.

Yesterday Liv came down with the stomach flu and Tish ended up catching it too, but she insisted my dad still go. I linked arms with Riley as we headed upstairs to walk across the street for the wedding.

The cold December air nipped at our cheeks bitterly, but I couldn't help but feel warmth surrounded by some of my favorite people.