Toxic Love (Completed)

Chapter 40: The Test To Tell The Future

"Did you have fun with your friends?" Joey asked me as he poured me a glass of water.

"I actually need to talk to you about that," I said.I needed to break up with Joey, I've cheated on him multiple times already, and he doesn't deserve this. He's a good guy, he's sweet, loving, and I really care for him.
I think if I didn't have some weird feelings for Xander, and if I wouldn't have cheated last night, he and I would have been happy together, and I would have soon fallen in love with him.But I made some bad mistakes, that I can't even make up for.
"What? Did something happen between you and your friends? You didn't come home last night, I was worried."
I patted the seat next to me on the couch, signaling for him to take a seat next to me, he seemed to be growing more concerned, as the silence filled the room."Last night, I got really drunk, I don't even remember much. I just remember going into the bar, getting really drunk, and meeting this guy. We ended up going into a private room, I later found out that it was Xander. After that, it's pretty much blank. I woke up this morning, in Xander's house, in his bed, naked. I think I slept with him. No. I know I slept with him. I am so sorry Joey, I care for you so much, but something happened last night that I can't explain, I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I don't deserve you, you are an amazing human, and you don't deserve to be treated like this. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. But I didn't want to never tell you, that would be even worse." I said.Joey sat silently on the couch, staring ay me, not saying a word. I didn't want to say anything else. I was waiting for him to say something, but after waiting for a few minutes, still, he was silent. I didn't move, neither did he."I trusted you, we've had issues with this before Megan! How could you?!" Joey yelled.He stood up from the couch and started to pace back and forth. "I am so sorry Joey, I fucked up. I'm not asking for you to forgive me, I'm not asking you to stay with me, I just had to tell you.""I can't do this anymore! For fuck's sake Megan, you've done this twice now!"I sighed. "I know, I get it.""No, you don't!""You don't understand! You've broken my heart way too fucking much. I can't do this anymore. We're done." Joey said before grabbing his coat and storming out of my apartment.

I've truthfully never seen Joey so mad. His eyes were filled with rage. Hurt. Disgust.

He's right, this is the second time I've done it to him. I've apologized dozens of times by now. Joey shouldn't forgive me. I am a horrible person. I continue to hurt him over and over.

Joey was excited that I was moving out of the house, because I was finally getting away from Xander. And I knew this just broke his heart. Joey confessed his loves me no longer than a week ago. I couldn't say back, and I knew Joey was hurt from that. But he understood.

Now, I just shattered his heart. I told him when I left, that I had no feelings for Xander. I don't. Except for hatred.

Xander has continuously hurt me. He's threatening me, he has beat me, and he has raped me.

And I continuously go back to him. But no more. I can't deal with his antics anymore. I need to leave everything behind. I need to start a new life.

I need to forget about everything. I need to forget about the murders, and everything that Xander put me through.

I have a need to forget about Joey. I need to finish up school. I haven't gone in over a year. I need to make it up. I need to go to college, and I need to get a job. I need to move on.

I can no longer be caught in Xander's web. In Xander's lies.

He wants to leave me behind. And so be it. If he wants to leave me behind, and forget about me, I'll do the same.

He is still sending me money, so I'll be fine. I'll be able to get online schooling, and move on with my life for good.

A Month and A Half Later