Silvana's Trial

Chapter 8 - Taking Action

Silvana returned to her room. It was the first time in a long time and so much had changed. Her heart felt no warmth in those familiar surroundings. Shutting out the daylight, she flung herself on her bed. She was worn out but couldn't sleep. Crying would have been a relief for her but the tears wouldn't come. Her eyes stung and her heart ached. She tossed and turned, rolling the ring Ned gave her over and over in her hands.

Days passed. She stayed in her room. She couldn't bear the drama of her siblings fighting or laughing. Even sunlight ached oppressively. With the curtains drawn and claiming indisposition, Silvana refused to see anyone.

Food tasted like cardboard and she rejected everything she was offered. She heard the whispers outside her door and chose to ignore them. She didn't care. Life was too painful. It was filled with hardship and heartache.

Lying on her bed, her brain swirled through a multitude of thoughts. She remembered her hate. How righteous it felt to despise Ned. Then the shift when she realised she was causing herself harm, hating herself, blaming herself because of her inability to forgive him. She thought she found light, then, when they became friends after Haftown. The memory of his banter constricted her heart. She'd been happy, felt everything would work out.

His confession brought her to the brink. She wanted to scream but silence oppressed her, cocooning her voice, pushing it back inside her. The ship leaving her behind. The whole world dulled from it. His absence. Her whole being was a hollowness, witness to the one thing that was lacking. She was a path leading to the top of a cliff and then disappearing into oblivion.

Time drifted. She didn't know how much had passed. A weight settled onto the bed beside her. A depression. Everything was slow, each movement, an effort. She trailed her gaze over to her visitor. It was Flynn.

"What ails you, my little sparrow?"

His voice was laced with worry. She felt it. Her heart panged for that, too. She was the cause for concern but she couldn't do anything to take it away. Doing—anything—was impossible. Guilt settled into her. An extra brick in the wall of her undoing.

She couldn't bear the weight of this added burden, the affliction she passed onto her parents unwittingly. Sighing, she turned the other way. Maybe he would just go away. She was a lost cause. There was nothing left of her. Hollow. Empty. Drained.

He didn't go away. That was Flynn. He would never leave.

"Did the nasty prince steal my darling's heart?"

She shuddered. Every muscle in her body strained to keep the pain in. She curled in on herself, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Don't be beastly about him, Daddy," she choked out. "He's actually really nice."

For the first time in days, tears burned in her eyes and she let them fall.

"Oh, Buttercup," he pulled her into his arms, caressing her hair while he rocked her.

When her tears dried, Flynn gave her a tight hug and kissed her forehead. "All will be well, daughter. You are stronger than this."

The next day, Silvana pulled herself out of bed. It took great effort but she did it. She ate with little relish, picking at the eggs and vegetables on her plate. Someone dressed her and she let them.

She made her way to the palace and took on her duties as before. She went through the motions but her heart wasn't in it anymore. Her light-hearted nature, called 'golden' by some, was gone. Snuffed out. In its place loomed a thunderhead which she hid as much as she could to keep her feelings of guilt at bay. She didn't want people worrying about her. She didn't want to draw attention to herself but she was the crown princess. She was a person others worried about.

Silvana often went to the bench in the garden overlooking the sea. The ocean's constant music soothed her somewhat. One day, she sat lost in thought, when her mother's voice drew her from her musings

"My sweet flower, what has happened to your smile?"

Silvana looked up. She felt her mother's gaze searching her face, documenting all the changes happening there. Her throat seized up and all she managed to choke out was, "Oh, Mother!"

Her mother's arms wrapped around her. She cradled Silvana against her chest.

"Does he at least reciprocate your feelings?"

Silvana drew away, disentangling herself from Cynthia's embrace. She looked up wide-eyed, hesitant.

"At first I thought it was mere love-sickness," Cynthia said, "but it isn't passing. You are devastated, my little one. Please confide in me."

Silvana hugged her mother, then passed her little messaging device to the older woman. "It isn't that. Ned messages me every day but something deep down tells me we can't be together. It's just impossible."

Cynthia turned her attention to the messenger as she flipped through message after message from Ned.

"May I?" she asked as she held up the earpiece attached to the device.

Silvana nodded. Silence drifted between them until Cynthia broke it again.

"He sends you a message every day?"

"Yes," Silvana confessed.

"But you don't reply to him?"

Silvana shifted at the sternness she detected in her mother's voice. "No." She sensed reproach and hastened to defend herself. "I don't know anything about him, Mother. He could be married for all I really know! What if I hurt someone inadvertently? What if someone else finds out when he wants to keep it a secret?"

"Is he trying to keep your relationship a secret?"

"I don't know! We didn't have time to talk of these things. I had no time to think of the consequences. I barely had time to realise I love him. It all happened so fast and I don't even know..."

Silvana buried her face in her hands.

"Oh dear," her mother tutted, returning her attention to the messages. Hmmm," she muttered to herself after a moment. Then she turned to Silvana again. "The emperor is ill?"

"Yes. That is why he was sent for. It seems they are struggling to identify what ails him."

"And you didn't think to mention this to me?"

"I thought you knew," Silvana said in surprise. "I thought... You mean you didn't know?"

"No, I had no idea. They must be keeping it a secret from the whole empire..."

Cynthia paused for a moment. Silvana observed her thinking for and then the older woman gasped, "Meaning that he is gravely ill and they don't wish for the empire to destabilise because of it. However, at the same time they have cut themselves off from skilled healers with different traditions. I must inform Sylvia immediately."

She stood, even as she spoke. Breaking out into a run, Cynthia disappeared towards the palace, leaving Silvana at a loss for words.

A few hours later, Cynthia came into Silvana's room where she sat despondently flicking through a book.

"Sweetpea," Cynthia announced. "I have wonderful news for you!" Silvana looked up surprised. "Oruna is sending a delegation of healers to aid in the Emperor's treatment. At this moment, Sylvia doesn't wish to travel to the imperial capital and therefore delegates the political representation to you, Koutaishi-hime."

Silvana stared at her mother. "Really?"

Cynthia nodded.

Unable to contain her shriek of excitement, Silvana launched herself at her mother.