Begin Again

Chapter 11

"Do you eat to live or do you live to eat?" I asked. I have no idea where that question came from. It came to my mind randomly. I remember discussing this topic with Talia, Erica and Zenia back in high school. We agreed on living to eat.

"Um, I guess I eat to live? You do realise that my life revolves around studying, right? If I don't eat, I won't have the energy to study," he replied, raising an eyebrow.

Oh, bummer. I sighed. There was really no point in asking him that. Why did I even ask him that? I took a bite into my burger. "Well, I, on the other hand, live to eat. Where's the fun in life if you don't enjoy good food? You only live once!"

He cleared his throat. "That's not true. You live every day and you only die once."

I thought about it and nodded in agreement. "That actually makes more sense but you get my point. Life isn't all about being successful. In the end, we are all dust and shadows. When we die, we can't take our success with us. We'll be either decomposed bodies or ashes."

"At least you leave behind a legacy. People will remember you for the great things you've done. Look at Marie Curie, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, et cetera. Look at what legacies they have left behind. They worked hard and people remember them even after hundreds of years. Today, we learn about them in school," he rebutted.

"No, it's just one hundred years," I replied. "But, okay, that is also kind of long. My point is legacy is not everything. Isn't it sad if you die with a shit ton of regrets? Like you said, you live every day and only die once. What's the point in living a long life with no meaning?"

"I think there's a lot of meaning to becoming a successful doctor and saving a lot of lives," he said. "The world is not made of cupcakes and rainbows, Grey. Happiness is not about having fun. Enjoying your job and success is fun too."

I sighed, "Look, Matteo. Your life is too orderly. Can you listen to me and try slowing down your pace? You're missing out on the beauty of life. Have you ever stopped to look at the people around you? When was the last time you talked to your family?"

"That's none of your business, Grey," he said firmly.

"No, listen. Look at me. I'm close to the people around me and I get good grades. Now, don't tell me it's because I have a photographic memory. That doesn't matter. I can only achieve this because I have a work-life balance. Yours is haywire," I replied.

"Yeah, right. I think my life is very good at the moment. I think I have a good work-life balance as well. I study a lot and I still spare time for Grey's Anatomy. Look, I'm even eating with you right now. Balance!" he protested.

I finished my burger and said, "If you think that's balance, whatever. I'm sick of arguing about this with you. If you won't listen, so be it. So much for helping you." I leaned on my chair and folded my arms in frustration. Why does he have to be so stubborn?

Silence reigned. He slowly finished his burger and looked at me. Soon, we started a staring contest. I analysed his face. He looked concerned. I frowned. I can't understand him. I can't stand him either. One moment, we were chatting like normal. Next, we're arguing.

Why does this have to happen all the time? Why is he so insistent on being a no-life? What's so bad about sitting back and relaxing? What's so bad about taking a step back from your studies? Why does he have such an eccentric view on life?

Why do I have such an eccentric friend like him? He's a nice person. He's not an asshole. He's smart. He's handsome. He's rich. But he's terrible at socialising. He has this extreme inability to get along with others. Even me. He's so frustrating!

"I'm sorry," he suddenly said.

See? Eccentricity at its finest. One moment, he's screaming at me about his non-existent work-life balance. Next, he's apologising. "What?"

"I shouldn't have raised my voice. I guess I subconsciously don't want to admit that I'm too hardcore in my studies. You're right. My life has no balance. Scratch that. I have no life. I'm just surviving," he explained.

"I didn't say that," I mumbled.

"I know," he said. "How about we head home now and watch whatever show you were talking about? Brooklyn Nine-Nine, was it? I guess I need to open myself up to more TV shows. I can't restrict myself to one which is—"

"Grey's Anatomy," we completed in unison and chuckled.

I nodded. He actually remembers what the show was called. He bothered to remember. I thought he didn't take me seriously. I gulped and continued, "Well, I'm glad you remember. Let's split the bill and go watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine."

As I took out my wallet, he held my arm. "No, I think I should pay."

"You're not my boyfriend. You didn't say you were treating me. Why should you pay, then?" I asked. "We can pay for what we spent. We're just two friends having lunch together, right?"

"Fair enough," he muttered.

We paid the bill and went back to his apartment. He stared longingly at his notes on the dining table but I pulled him towards the living room. He shook his head. I silently chuckled at how cute he was when he saw his notes.

I turned on the television and switched to Netflix. I typed in a letter 'B' and the show appeared on the screen as the first option. This goes to show how popular the show is. "Let's start from season two episode eighteen because that's where I left off."

He shrugged. "Up to you."

This is how we spent the next hour and forty minutes. What can I say? It's a good show. Talia, Erica and Zenia did the right thing recommending this show to me. It was a good remedy for my broken heart when Derek broke up with me. Now, it is good entertainment.

"This girl. You remind me of her," I remarked, pointing at Amy Santiago.

Matteo raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I don't know. She's orderly. You're orderly. She's— Ah! Oh my God! They kissed!" I squealed in delight. "Jake and Amy kissed! Oh my God! Finally!"

"I don't get it. Why are you so high?" he questioned.

I looked at him and saw that he has a poker face. How? I shook my head in disappointment and replied, "They're so cute! Don't you think? Oh, wait, you didn't watch them from the earlier episodes. They are so cute. Oh my God, haha!"

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's so funny. Boyle's going full Boyle again! In case you didn't know, he's a total shipper of Jake and Amy! In one of the episodes, he tried to get Jake to confess to Amy," I blabbered. "Oh my God, Amy kissed Jake! They kissed again!"

"Oh, boy," Matteo muttered.

"Shush, Matteo. You know nothing about love," I declared.

"And you do?" he questioned, seemingly amused by the look of his face.

I remained silent for a while. "Yeah, I do," I replied. I did. My ex did not. To him, it was all about sex. "Oh, look, they're in the evidence room. Ooh, things are getting intense. Holy shit, they kissed again! Three times in this episode! The producers are spoiling us!"

Matteo chuckled. I was relieved that he didn't ask more about my knowledge of love. I'm not ready to share this private information with anyone yet if the topic ever comes up.

Maybe someday. But not today.