I hate you Boss

Chapter 30

"Fuck" mabilis kong tinapon ang walang lamang bote ng Jack Daniels, tumama iyon sa ding-ding at basag na nang umabot sa sahig. Tiningnan ko lang ang mga debris na nagkalat. I am like that, broken. But I don't know if I can be fixed again.

"Ano iyon ser?" narinig ko ang tinig ng tagalinis.

Wala akong ganang sumagot, in fact, wala na akong ganang mabuhay. I file an indefinite leave after that night and I am indefinitely definite that I cannot moved on too soon kaya nag appoint ako ng OIC sa kompanya.

Umalis ako sa sala at naglakad patungong terrace habang nagsimula na ang maid sa pagpupulot ng mga bubog.

Schedule na ng Paternity testing and it's just like adding salt to the injury. Mas lalong naipamukha sa akin na there's no point in trying to win Crisanta back. Maybe this is the life I am bound to take. But why is it so hard to accept?

I did not bother to change. Para ano? I see no point in doing that. I just grabbed my keys and drove to that damn clinic.

Tori was not there yet kaya mas umiinit ang ulo ko. I was the one who asked for the paternity test out of anger but would you blame me? I was torn with being in love and a fucktard at the same time. I was over fantasizing the life I have with Crisanta and a bomb just hit me hard in the face with a bold sign saying "Fuck you idiot, I'm not gonna let you live in wonderland". So here I am, soon to be a father on a child I did not expect to have.

This paternity test is just for my own assurance. Even if the child is mine, I want to be assured that I am accepting this damn life documented. I want to accept defeat but not accept defeat yet. I can say I've lost when the test turn out to be positive.

I get my phone and dialed her number, she's out of reach. I tried once again pero wala pa rin. My patience is running out. This Clinic is suffocating and it's annoying to just be here.

I dialed Cedrick's number.

"Hello Cedrick, Find Tori, Tell her, if she won't show up she'll be doomed" mabilis ko ng pinatay ang tawag and went outside.

I let out some air and drove my car, wala akong kasiguradohan as to where my wheels take me.

When I left Crisanta before, I thought it's the right thing to do. I never knew her feelings for me back then and I do that too when I saw her the second time around, but things have changed when I knew she feel the same way too. Nakakabaliw isipin na nandito na kami, sobrang lapit na pero hindi pwede. I never knew I would love a person so deep that it hurts, heart and mind.

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip when I saw someone familiar na bumaba sa kotse in a Hospital car park. Without thinking too much iniliko ko ang kotse patungo sa Hospital na iyon. It's a question why she's her kahit na may schedule kami. Mukhang sasabog ang ulo ko sa inis.

I saw her walking towards the hallway, sinundan ko lang siya without being bothered to call her. I don't know but it seems off. What would she be doing in this place where she was expected to be at the Clinic at this time. Pumasok siya sa isang pintuan. When I reach there nabasa ko na Clinic pala iyon ng isang OB.

I felt a sudden guilt. She was asking for my moral support and maybe this is what she was talking about. While I was busy being mad on the things that has been going through, she was doing so much for the baby.

Nagdadalawang isip ako if I would just leave or went inside and start to be a father of the child. But the urge to stay is too strong. Maybe it's father nature calling. I know I fucked up as a man these days but maybe I could start being a father for now.

Nanaig ang desisyon ko na pumasok sa loob ng kwartong iyon. I slowly went up to the door, when I'm about to open it, I heard shouting or arguing inside so I stop midair.