The Betas Alpha

Chapter 25

Jay^^

Carson's POV

"It's nice to see you again, Carson. How have you been?" Liz asked as I walked into her office. It was our second meeting of the fourth week of me going to therapy, and I could honestly say that she was helping me more than I expected. Before, therapy was just a whole lot of nothing, but she made me realize that maybe I wasn't worthless.

Maybe I did deserve to be happy.

"I'm fine, how are you?" We both took our respective seats as she pulled out her notepad and pen.

"I'm good, thanks for asking. Is there anything you'd like to talk about specifically today, or can I ask you some questions about somethings you've brought up briefly in the last couple of sessions?" This is usually how we started each of our sessions; Liz usually made note of things she wanted to go a bit more in-depth with in case we weren't able to talk more about it, but she let me decide if we'd focus on that stuff or talk about something I felt the need to. It was a nice balance.

"Uh, actually, I kinda wanted to talk about some stuff that's going to be happening with Jay? Well with both of us at some point, but I don't really know when or how or well anything relating to it. I mean, I guess I do, but-I'm sorry; I'm rambling." My palms were beginning to clam up at the sheer thought of talking about this with someone; god, it was mortifying.

"It's totally okay, as we've discussed before, sometimes we need to just word vomit for things to make sense in our own brains; don't feel the need to apologize for something normal to appease others, okay?" She paused momentarily and waited for me to nod, "okay. Now, why don't you talk me through what you're having a problem with. It's all confidential, remember."

"It's like super embarrassing," it really was.

"It's only embarrassing if you think it is, and I promise, you're probably not the first person to have some variety of the problem you're trying to sort through, so don't stress about it."

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, Jay became the alpha of the pack, and usually, if they found their mate, their mate would become the luna on the same day. In order for the alpha's mate to become the official luna, they have to, well m-mate, and we haven't." I do not care what Liz said, this was extremely embarrassing, but I needed to sort through this because it was bound to happen at some point.

"So you want to mate but he doesn't? Or he wants to but you don't?" Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked up at me with a reassuring smile.

"I mean, we b-both want to," my face was most definitely as red as a tomato at this point, "I just don't want him to be disappointed, I guess. Because as much as he says that he doesn't care what I look like, as long as I am healthy and happy, I still can't help the part of me that doesn't believe him. He could have anyone; I don't want him to feel like he's stuck with me."

"Have you talked to him about this? Told him what you're feeling?" Liz asked while putting her notepad and pen down to look at me more directly. I was already shaking my head before she finished her question.

"He knows I don't like my body; he's always told me that I looked great and when we became mates he really said some things, and he's told me that he doesn't care what I look like, that I'm still that same person to him, but what if he sees me and doesn't actually like how I look? Especially now that I'm starting to gain some weight back; Mike is upping my calorie intake again, and I just don't want him to think I'm fat." I had another appointment with Mike yesterday and he was ecstatic to see how much progress I was making, and as better as I was feeling about myself, the self-doubt still crept in.