Life and Death-1

Growing Up Slowly

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I knock on Alex's door startling him. "So you're just moving out. And that's it." He exclaims to me.

"Do you have time to talk?" He nods letting me into the room and I close the door. "I was so pissed at you for so long for how you treated me in regards to Rebecca. But...it's killing me staying mad at you. You're more than family to me Alex and it kills me not being able to run to you and tell you things I can't tell anyone else. Because Callie and I have grown closer to each other and she understands some part of me. Cristina and Meredith are...well...you're the person who knows me better than I know myself. You talk me down from being irrational but you also talk me up to remind me that I'm worth more than I let myself be. I miss you Alex and..." He rushes at me and brings me into a bone-crushing hug.

"I was an ass and I will continue to be an ass but I can be a better ass."

"You're great as you are Alex." I whisper back to him. "Life without you is horrible. It's lonely and...I miss my best friend."

"Life sucked without you. It literally was worse than when my dad beat the shit out of me."

"Stop." I hit his arm. "It was not that bad."

"Oh, but it was." We move to sit on the floor resting our backs on the foot of the bed. "My life was falling apart around me and I thought I could control one thing finally redeem myself from my failures. But...I still couldn't do that."

"Nothing you've ever done in your life has been a failure, Alex." I rest my head on his shoulder. "Everything that has happened to you has made you a stronger person. Nothing is a failure."

"I'm still in love with Izzie." Alex blurts out.

"Mark broke up with me even though I'm still madly in love with him. He wants me to find clarity which basically means find someone else to love to know how strong my love for Mark truly is." Alex lifts my head up and looks at me with wide eyes.

"Dude that's messed up."

"No what's messed up is...Major Hunt from the limo crash he...the night Mark broke up with me Hunt kissed me and..." I look up at Alex. "I'm more confused now than ever."

"I tried to sleep with Izzie the night Rebecca was committed."

"You tried?" I ask him confused.

"I...normally you're the only one I break down and possibly cry to but...that night with our friendship on the rocks and I had no one else I turned to her and...I bawled like a baby."

"To Izzie?" I ask him with a smile on my face.

"Shut up!" He lightly pushes me off his shoulder but I can't help but laugh.

"Man...these past few weeks without you have been some of the most messed up ones in my life." I fiddle with my hands.

"You know you're not a stupid bitch." Alex states to me and I smile back at him.

"I know."

"I should never have spoken to you the way I did and continued just because I was...because I was too involved with Rebecca and you...you were being the friend I should have been to you."

"Enough apologizing. I forgive you." I bring my head back to rest on his shoulder. "Besides I don't mind being called a bitch that's nothing new but...no one has called me stupid." Alex belly laughs so hard I hear Meredith or Izzie's room open wondering where the sound is coming from.

"So what are you going to do about Major Hunt?"

"There's nothing to do. He's in Iraq and I probably won't see him again. That was a once in a lifetime fluke and...I love Mark more than I have loved everyone."