Not So One Night Stand ✔

Lu, I...

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling slightly insecure but also nervous out of the blue. I was exhausted, believe me, I do, but it feels like all the sleepiness just left my body in a matter of second.

I untangled myself from Ashton's grip before carefully making my way to the window. I took a seat there, facing the mostly dark and empty road. I don't know why I feel this way, I just do. I sighed at the frustration that slowly growing in myself, leaning my head tiredly on the window's railing.

I looked over at Ashton, smiling slightly at how peaceful he looks when he was sleeping. The moonlight hit him straight on the face, giving him a bluish glow. If I don't know better, I would say he looks like an angel. But funny that he is actually the complete opposite of that.

I wonder what would happen if I was still in the dark, knowing nothing about my true identity, about our true identity. I would probably be dead, or maybe not since Ashton would be there to protect me. But then again, I wonder what would happen to me if Ash and I didn't meet in the first place. Would I still be at that bar, drinking and having random hook-ups almost every night? Would I still have my used-to-be boring-ass life? But most of all, would I still be alive? Like I mean, I wouldn't have Ashton to protect me and I'm sure the angles would find me sooner or later, so I would probably be dead right?

He literally saved my life. And yet, he still keeps blaming himself for what happened that night. I admit that I fall for him, really hard even, but can you blame me? He was there when I have no one, he brings me back to life without even realising it, and he took care of me when I can barely function. He has tons of chance to take advantage of me when I was drunk my ass off, but he didn't take any, in fact, he babied me and make sure I have everything I might need.

Who's in their right mind that wouldn't fall for someone like that? He's just that great, it's like impossible to not like him.

But the thing is, I don't know if he likes me like that too. Like, I did confess my feeling to him that night, but look where it got us to? A huge surprise that I never expected and thought was true. It led us to this kind of complication that made me send him away for a couple of days. Yes, we're all fine now, but that doesn't mean I'm all fine.

I knew that Ash keeps reassuring me about him being here wasn't just because my dad's order, I also remember he promised me that he would find me one way or another and protect me no matter what and that those sounds like he was hinting that he was returning my feeling, but one can't be so sure before it was confirmed right? Like, it could be just me misreading the situation, or my brain tricking me into believing that he has feeling for me, but it also could be that it was the actual truth. Nevertheless, I couldn't conclude things before he truly admits it.

Feeling are so confusing, why does it has to exist? I hate feelings, then again I didn't. Ugh, I don't know, why the fuck I even think about this at 3 in the fucking morning?

I tossed my glance back to the empty road, groaning loudly out of frustration, not noticing that I woke Ashton up on the way. I felt arms wrapped around me, pulling me to a warm chest. I flinched for a second, before melting into the touch.

"You okay?"

"I guess,"

"You guess?"

"I- I don't know, okay?"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Honestly, no. But I know we have to."

"We?" Ashton out in pure confusion and a tad bit of shock. I sighed again, slowly pulling myself from his warm embrace before speaking,

"Yes, we. You can't just ignore it and pretend that that night didn't happen, Ash! I basically poured my heart out to you but then you just brushed it off and drop a bomb out of the blue. I got it that I shouldn't have trust you yet like how you told me every fucking night, but I can't help myself, okay?! I can't help who I fall for, I can't help from falling. You drew me in without you even knowing it, you and your fucking personality. You didn't even realise it, but I did, I do. And I can't help myself! I tried so hard to just brush it off and ignore everything, but... but I can't. I haven't felt like this in so long, but then you came. You bring me back to life, you remind me that life wasn't that sad and depressing and boring, you bring heaven to me. I didn't even feel the slightest anger towards you that night. I was just so confused and stunned. It was too overwhelming and not the kind that I like. I can't bring myself to be mad at you, hence why I called you three days later. I know that I don't have much now, judging from everything I went through these past few years, but when I finally find the courage to take one last-ditch, to start a new beginning, you just brush it off like it was nothing. Or maybe it is to you, but it certainly is not for me."

"Lu, I-"

"No, listen to me, I wasn't finished yet." I sharply cut him off. He nodded his head slowly, encouraging me to go on.

"I understood that I probably didn't deserve you since I can't give you much. I've been through so much that I think I barely have something in me. But I think it's just fair if I finally get a slight bit of happiness in my life, but I don't really know any more now. I feel so alive when I'm with you. Like, there won't be any judgement and I can just be who I am without worrying about my past and what I've been through but then again, it feels like I'm just digging deeper for my grave. You meant so much to me, you probably don't realise that, but I want you to know. I... I understood that you're here just because of my dad's order, but I've never been so grateful to meet someone in my life until I met you."

"Lu, I..."

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I know I'm evil
But soz not soz tho
See ya!!!

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