Unexpected

Gabby the Debutante

"What happened this morning?" Is the first thing to come out of Catrina's mouth as I take my seat beside her in art class.

I haven't had the chance to think about what I was going to tell her, since most of my time was spent taking a test. So, I decide to just tell her the truth.

"I know you think I'm an idiot. And you're right. But I really thought I was going to be this school's Batman. I didn't know what I was getting myself into." I say, rushing out all of my words in a nervous babble.

"Again, what happened?" She asks, creases forming at her brow.

"God dammit. God fucking-" Just then the teacher enters the classroom, so I lower my voice. "Dammit." I finish.

I exhale slowly, sliding the tips of my fingers into my hair in distress. "We kissed, Catrina. We fucking made out. I think I have feelings for him, and not just negative ones. I'm so stupid." I say, burying my face in my hands to avoid the judgmental look Catrina is probably giving me.

I feel Catrina rub my back as she says, "You're not stupid, you're human. I knew this was going to happen. He's always been... persuasive. And I've seen you two together, it's like a bomb waiting to go off."

"You were right. This wasn't a good idea. Every time I see him I want to strangle him and now... well now, I don't know what to do." I say, hands still covering my face. Catarina's much more understanding than I expected her to be, although now that I think about it I can't imagine her being anything else. This only worsens my guilt, as her friend I shouldn't be getting involved with someone that so royally screwed her over, no matter how long ago it was.

"I guess the question is, what do you want? Do you want to be with him?" This makes me jerk my head back up to look at her to see if she's being serious.

"Be with Austin? I can't stand him, all we do is fight. And I can't trust him. How does that translate to anything productive?"

Catrina looks at me with what I think is pity and continues to rub my back, making me feel even more pathetic. All this over some premature frat boy. My heart sinks at the image I have of myself sitting here, disjointed and contrite.

"Well have things been improving between you two? Does he seem like he's capable of something more?" She asks, hope sneaking into her tone.

"First of all, I couldn't do that to you. Not after what he did. And honestly, I don't know if things have been better. Our date went kind of well and we've talked about real shit, but he's infuriating. Everything he does makes me just wanna..." I lift my hands and close them together in a choking motion to get my point across.

"Have you ever thought about... you know." She trails off, looking at me expectantly. I give her an inquisitive look and so she continues.

"Have you thought about just hooking up?"

I lower my head onto the table with a thud, mortified by the suggestion. The tension between Austin and I must appear more dire than I thought for her to reach that conclusion so naturally. I hope Austin and I's quarreling doesn't give the group the same impression- that our dynamic is fueled by a red hot type of frustration.

"This is Austin we're talking about. I can't believe you'd say that." I talk into the table that's pressed against my forehead.

"Okay okay, not that then. Whatever it is you do or don't do, just promise not to do it on my account. It was years ago, plus I'm with Zach now." I lift my head and she offers me a shy smile. If it weren't for the dimple that has only appeared in her happiest moments, I'd be more hesitant to believe her.

"So what you're saying is... you and Zach are official?" I grin, happy for her and for the excuse to drop the topic of Austin.

I spend the rest of the day avoiding Austin, and to my surprise he does the same. I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't have a clue about where to go from here. He was the one who initiated everything this morning, and has been since the beginning. But I don't think either of us were prepared to navigate all the sharp turns this relationship has brought.