Before You Leave

14. Too Late

Kissing Samuel felt off. Unnatural. His lips moved against mine, my jaw stuck in between this fingers. He was young and felt too inexperienced. That was the problem. Right?

Yet I still kissed him, as if in a trance. He backed me up against the wall slowly, my shoulders hitting the beige wall with a soft thud as he groaned on my mouth softly.

Wait. Let me back up to when this happened.

Samuel and I made our way out of detention, me grabbing onto his shirt and practically dragging him away from there.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Anywhere," I grumbled. "Anywhere but here."

"My apartments only a few doors down from here. We can go there."

I let go of his shirt, turned around, and sighed. "Fine."

And so he led me there and that is where we ended up in his kitchen and I sat on the counter as he made dinner.

"Why do you let him get under your skin?" Samuel asked as he got some packaged stuff from the freezer.

"Who?" I asked, my eyes on the red cabinet before me, my mind totally somewhere else.
To my mom. I wish I would have spoke to her about my issues. About how I was getting my act together. Not that she would have reacted, but I would have liked her to know.

"Gideon," he reminded me, snapping me out of my stupor. I blinked a few times and looked at him as he took chicken nuggets out of the package.

I look down at the floor, at my feet. "I don't."

He gave me a pointed look.

I huffed a sigh, leaning my head back on on a cabinet. "I dunno... he just acts like he owns me. And that he can control my actions. And he can't. I don't do what people expect." I look at Samuel again. "That's the point. I like being unpredictable."

"I hate to break it to you, JJ," Samuel says, "but you are very predictable."

I rolled my eyes. "At first I wasn't." I looked at the window now. "At first I convinced everyone I was this bitch." I chuckled softly. "Now people aren't buying it."

"Hey," Samuel said softly. "You are totally a bitch," he encourages.

I snickered. "You're just saying that."

"Nah, I mean it."

I snorted, shaking my head. "Thanks," I said dryly.

Since I was paying attention to the floor so much, I didn't notice Samuel move closer to me until I could feel his body heat.

"You don't need to change," he tells me.

But isn't that what he wanted me to do? Because I wasn't attracted to Samuel, he wanted me to change my whole perspective of him. That would change who I am. So didn't he want me to change?

I look into Samuel's eyes. I would never know until I tried.

I quickly pecked him on the lips, crushing mine onto his for a few seconds before pulling away. He's blinking, stunned. Until he scooters me foreword by the backs of my knees, kisses me roughly and picks me up from the counter top. My back has ended up on the hallway wall.

But kissing Samuel felt wrong.

Yet my mouth moved with his, my hands tightening on his shoulders because I wanted so desperately to be attracted to him.

My lips felt swollen, yet he kept bruising them. My passion started to fade as I stopped moving completely. But I could feel him push his mouth back onto mine, trying to insert his tongue.