Before You Leave

32. Christmas

It was the same dream I've had three times now. Someone was playing with my hair as we sat in a field of autumn. Beau was next to me, smiling as he saw that I had finally visited again.

I looked down at what I expected to be Gideon, but it was a faceless figure. They were blurry. I narrowed my eyes.

"What happened to his face?" I murmured.

"I was hoping you could tell me that," BH sighed, looking down at he man as well. "What happened?"

"We're fighting," I mumbled.

"A fight wouldn't make your whole vision change. Your outlook." He tilted his head. "Who is the other?"

"What?"

"You're conflicted. Who is the other you are thinking about?"

I snorted. "He's nothing of importance."

"Your heart disagrees with you," he mused.

"My heart's stupid," I say, looking down at my chest.

He laughed and I looked up into his brown eyes. "Your heart is the wisest of all things." His eyes looked so much like our mothers. "I thought you loved him."

"I did."

"Did?"

"I do," I correct in a sigh, laying down on my back and setting my hands on my abdomen.

"What's so different about him?" He jerked his chin up, and I looked towards the sound of the leaves crunching. It was Alexei, walking in all of his beautiful-ness. He had to be one of the most gorgeous people I have ever seen.

"Alexei is an asshat," I tell him. "I don't know why he's here. It makes no sense. I've only known him for... two, maybe three weeks now?"

"Something in you is drawn to him, though," he tells me. "It makes sense to your heart."

"But I'm in love with Gideon."

"Are you? Or are you just telling yourself that?"

"You were a lot less cryptic when you were alive," I grumble softly.

He laughed loudly. It came in rasps, one by one, but eventually, he sobered up. "You're seventeen, Jules," he tells me. "I think you will learn very soon about the difference between love and affection."

He looked over at Alexei. I followed his gaze. "Will you choose him," he says, "or will you choose the other?" He tilted his head as Gideon came into view.

He was several inches taller than Alexei, though Alexei was fitter. I never compared the two until now. Where Gideon looked like an adulting boy, Alexei looked like he was already a young adult. Gideon's teeth were near perfect, but Alexei's were slightly crooked.

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

I jolted awake, feeling warm liquid on my cheek. I sighed softly and brushed away some drool on my cheek as I squinted my eyes open to see Alexei, smirking down at me.

"Nice nap, darling?"

I groaned as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Where are we?" I yawned out, closing my eyes again and shifting on my other side.

"Jenny?"

I bolted up, rubbing both of my eyes raw as I finally opened them and looked up. I was home, and my father was standing at the front door of our cabin.

I glared at Alexei. "You couldn't wake me up earlier?"

"I tried, but you were too busy mumbling my name to notice." He grinned.